doodledee

After many years of living in a society that depends on a high degree of monetary precision, I decided that 2003 would be the year I would resolve to leave the past behind and focus on a well-rounded future. And I couldn't think of a better way to stick it to the system than by resolving to give up my daily use of pennies.

There's no question that the penny wasn't a big deal in its day. It's the oldest coin, the OG, the granddaddy of all US money. I even collected pennies as a child. But its time has clearly come. It complicates math, it fools shoppers, and it creates havoc and destruction wherever it goes.

There are up to 200 billion pennies in circulation right now. (Street value: $185.) They're sitting in closets and old gumball machines and in little kids' piggy banks. They're sitting in basements on top of dryers in little cups because somebody "forgot" to take them out of their pockets before they sent their pants to the laundry. And they're sitting on the ground everywhere because nobody will take the time to bend over and pick up a stupid penny. I predict that someday the problem will get so bad that we'll actually need to shovel paths through the pennies just to move about in the world.

There was an initiative in congress to eliminate the penny a few years back. Unfortunately, it buckled under enormous pressure from penny lobby. Those dirty politicians and their backroom deals. Makes me so mad I could spit.

So far my penny abstinence is working out ok. The old ladies in the cafeteria at work know my policy and either take from the penny cup for me or put my change pennies directly into it. At the coffee shop, I throw my pennies into the tip jar and they think I'm giving them a tip. (I only 'really' tip when Libby is there, for some reason she thinks a 10 second wait for a $3 coffee merits a 50-cent tip. Ahhh, no.)

So, my fellow spenders, if you're looking to reduce the stress in your life and return to a simpler time, take up the cause. Leave Abe behind. A copper free future awaits us all.