doodledee

Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare to eat cold cuts. Byerly's is now selling Boar's Head brand meat products. And if you don't think a new brand of cold cuts is something to get excited about, then you either (a) haven't tried Boar's Head brand products or (b) have more of a life than I do.

And yes, I realize that the deli down the street from us has been selling Boar's Head stuff for a long time now, but we don't go there as often as we go to the grocery store. It's the convenience, stupid.

On a non-related meat note, hot dogs are 70% water, 20% "meat" and 10% salt and other spices.

hb ad

One of the highlights of today's war coverage was this tidbit:

As the Security Council argued bitterly over whether to go to war with Iraq, the government of Saddam Hussein said today that it had agreed "in principle" to begin destroying ballistic missiles judged illegal because their range exceeds limits imposed after the Persian Gulf war.

What I found interesting about it was the whole 'in principle' part. I'm not totally sure, but what I think that means is that while Saddam agrees it's probably a good idea to destroy his missiles, he's not quite sure he's ready to do it just yet. And by 'not just yet', he may mean 'never'. Sneaky, eh?

Personally, I tend to agree with a lot of things 'in theory', but I've never agreed with something 'in principle' before. I think now might be a good time to start.

So as of this moment, I agree - in principle - with the following:

• I should eat fewer fried cheese wontons.
• I should dress better on casual Friday.
• That show about finding the hottest person in the US is stupid and shouldn't be watched.
• Struts is the de facto - and therefore best - MVC servlet framework.
• Libby's secret chocolate stash in the freezer should only be for her.

Huh, that was easy.

Libby has wanted to tear up the carpet in our upstairs since - oh, I don't know - 20 minutes after we moved into the house. We kinda go back and forth on it.

The way she sees it, our current carpet is old and dingy, and it kinda smells funny when you vacuum. It also looks bad, and if we ever do move, we'd have to get new carpet before we tried to sell our place anyway. On top of all that, from pulling up corners and peeking underneath, you can see that the carpet potentially covers some nice hardwood floors, which are always fun to slide around on.

On the other hand, the way I see it is that we have carpet now, and last time I checked, new carpet still costs money, so we can make due with the status quo.

In conclusion, we started tearing up the carpet last weekend.

I've inhaled somewhere between 2-6 pounds of carpet dust, but I'm pretty sure had a glass of water last week sometime, so I figure I'm still well flushed. Plus, it'll save us a few bucks. Wee.

Two items to report tonight.

First, while I was out and about this evening, I wanted to pick up a cup of coffee, so I looked for one of those vend-o-land places. I found one and made a beeline for the coffee machine (F11 = decaf + sugar + 'lightener'). While standing there, plugging quarters into the coffee machine, I noticed that this vend-o-land had something different... something magical... something that blew my mind.

A french fry vending machine.

That's right, you heard me, a french fry vending machine. You put your money in, wait a minute or so, lift the little door, and take out fresh cooked fries. This particular one was Ore Ida, but I did some research and found that there's an entire company looking to corner the vended fried foods market. Huh.

I was all ready to get some, but I decided against it. For one, a $1.50 for a little cup of fries seemed like a rip off - even allowing that you get all the ketchup you want. Beyond that, I decided that vending machine french fries are on my list of things that just don't seem 'right'. (Kind of in the same way that it doesn't feel right that they now want to be called The Dead.)

If somebody out there has had vending machine french fries, let me know how they were. Expenses will not be reimbursed.

The other item of news - and it's way better than a stupid french fry machine story - is that Jeannine and Keith are expecting!

And seeing as I can't decide, that news gets both a 'Yeeeeeeeee-haaaawwwwwww!' and a 'Waaaaaaa-hooooooooooooo!'.

We were in Duluth on Friday night and Saturday day. It was fun. The main reason for going was to watch the hockey Gophers kick some Bulldog butt, but it was also just kind of a getaway. We spent some time hanging out in that Canal Park part of town. It's loaded with [chain] bars and [local] shops, and was generally a nice place to walk around and just soak in all that Duluth has to offer. Unfortunately, in February what Duluth has to offer sometimes includes 90-mile winds and 8 inches of fresh snow.

Wee!

Now I'm watching the Grammys. Fred Durst just said that he hoped we're all in 'agreeance' about the situation in Iraq. Uhhh.

Yesterday morning, I got up and went to the Red Cross to give blood. I walked in and, after confirming that I haven't had sex - even once - with a drug addicted transvestite monkey, was hustled into the room where you sit and wait for the needle.

A minute or so later, this nice old lady came over and we started chatting while she poked around and tried to find a vein to use. After selecting a 'real good one', she marked it with a pen and went to work with the iodine.

Now I typically look away when the needle actually goes in, but when I heard her go "Hmm", I looked back. And look, there's the needle, hanging out of my arm. But wait, where is the blood? Hmm. Oh well, I figured she just missed, how big of a deal can it be? Next thing I know, there are like 5 old ladies - two named Judy - hovering over my chair, all staring at the needle hanging out of my arm. One of the Judys takes control and starts to wiggle the needle a little bit.

PAIN! Whoo-boy, PAIN!

Man it hurt. It hurt so much that I actually grimaced in front of a bunch of old ladies.

At that point, the old ladies decided to go with my other arm. Fortunately, lefty worked fine, and 10 minutes later I was eating cookies and drinking grape juice. The old lady who double stuck me apologized no fewer than 30 times. I felt bad for her.

And yes, I took two stickers.

I brought the camera to work with me today so I could photodocument the cube farm I'm currently working in. Have a look.

It might be a good idea to save these pictures so you can show them to your kids when they ask about pursuing a career in IT. That is unless they have an odd fascination with working in gray fabric boxes, in which case it might be a good idea to keep these out of sight.

Recently, just for kicks, I've been listening to a bunch of the CDRs I have lying around that aren't labeled. It's fun to put something into the player and not know what you're gonna hear. Yesterday, for example, in addition to the expected Dead and Phish, I found a Hendrix show, a Bonnie Raitt show, a Beatles bootleg, and a couple of discs that must have been bad burns or something because they wouldn't play at all. Huh.

Someday I'll get around to labeling, filing, and cataloging all of them.

Wait, no I won't.

Back in the fall of 2001, the state negotiated a new contract with a huge number of its employees. It was an ugly process that included a 2-week strike, Jesse sneaking away from a picket line, and lots of finger pointing and general nastiness. In the end, the employees got raises. Wee!

Fast-forward to today - 16+ months later - and note that the Legislature still hasn't ratified the contracts. Then note that there are a couple of new bills cranking through House and Senate committees that seek to wrap up the contract as soon as possible.

So what's with the sudden change in priorities?

Simple: if nothing gets ratified before May 19th, all employees' wages revert to their pre-contract (i.e. pre-raise) levels. That's an effective pay cut. And seeing as new contact negotiations are getting ready to ramp up, somebody - the union - figured it was time to get some closure on the last round.

Ahh, peace at last.

But wait. If all it takes is some Legislative approval, why didn't the new contracts get ratified right away like they should have been?

Again, it's simple: the Legislature at the time - more specifically the House - refused to ratify any contract that included same-sex domestic partner benefits. And who was leading the House back then? That's right folks, Tim Pawlenty.

What's even funnier is that rather than just sitting and not ratifying them, Pawlenty and his doof buddies in the House actually tried to circumvent the rules and ratify what was basically the same contract, only without the domestic partner benefits. It didn't really work, but hey, I guess you can't blame them for tryin'.

At the time, some people danced around the issue. Not Jesse:

"It's very homophobic, in my opinion. People are people, and people deserve to be treated equally."

Ahh, gotta love Jesse.

During last year's gubernatorial race, the Republican's campaigned openly against same-sex benefits. A report from the floor of the GOP convention tells of the Pawlenty crew proudly passing out reprints of a Strib article headlined "Pawlenty leads fight against same-sex benefits". As the night wore on, the candidates even challenged each other as to which one of them was more anti-benefits. (Adorable!)

Then Pawlenty won the election.

Figuring they might lose the raises they fought for, the employees' union has "grudgingly" signed on to the new bill. The Senate version is being offered by John Hottinger, a DFLer. The whole shootin' match is bound to pass.

All this hoopla so a bunch of wankers with 'moral objections' can keep 85 people from getting benefits.

Ahh boo.

And PS: Joe Millionaire was stupid. Put me in the "she'll take the money and run" bucket.

For some reason that I don't understand - and haven't been able to get an answer for - my company decided that President's Day was important enough to warrant giving everyone the day off. Wee!

Unfortunately, my body didn't get the memo and I woke up at 6:30 totally rested and ready to start kicking ass. The whole thing was mildly amusing because on a real workday there'd be no way that I'd be ready to go that early. I forced myself to stay in bed until 7, just to stick it to me.

I had planned on getting the muffler on the Saturn fixed. It's been broken for like 6 months and it's time it got some attention. I called down to the Midas place and they said they could get me in right away. I had some other errands to run, so I worked up a plan whereby I would wait until 8:45 to leave, then go get coffee, then drop the car off, then walk to the other stores I needed to go to. Sweet.

I show up at Midas down by Southdale and they check it out. Needs a whole new muffler. Gonna be like $280. Stupid Saturn. I hem and haw about it, talk some smack with the kid, and eventually I get him to knock $40 off. Still sucks, but hey, $40 is $40.

I leave the car and head over to Best Buy. It's like 9:30. The place is closed. WTF? No biggie, I've gotta go to the mall, too. I frogger across York, walk to the mall, and - surprise - all the stores are closed there, too.

I killed 20 minutes walking around. It was eerie. All these old people were mall walking in silence, most still wearing their coats. The stores were all closed, but you could see in through the windows and doors and watch employees with long faces and drooping shoulders prepare for the day ahead. (It was kind of like a retail employee zoo. I wanted to throw them some food... A cinnabon, maybe?) And the worst part was everywhere you went, this awful music played over the worst PA system I've ever heard. Make. It. Stop.

Some stuff was open, though. There was a healthy line at Caribou and the wig lady was up and running. I also walked by the Pac Sun and saw the girl inside dancing like nobody was watching with the music cranked up to 11. That was good for a smile.

It was such a new experience for me that I took some pictures. Check 'em out.

Now that I've returned to earth, it's time to ground myself in the reality of tax season. Buckle up, people, it's about to get ugly.

Every once in a while I'll hear a song on the radio or TV or even over the PA at Home Depot and it'll trigger the following thought process:

1. Hey, that's kind of a fun song.
2. I'll have to download it.
3. I haven't eaten at Arby's in a long time.

Being a doof, I typically forget to download anything when I get home. If I'm lucky, I'll hear the song again and think to write a note on my hand reminding me to take care of it next time I'm sitting at a computer. Even then it's probably only 50/50, though.

For a long time I used morpheus to download stuff, but it got shut down and I switched to this freeware one named gnucleus. Morpheus came back pretty fast, but it was all crazy with spyware and ads and stuff, and seeing as gnucleus was working fine, I had no interest in switching back.

Over the last few months, gnucleus has started to suck. It takes forever to connect and, once you do, it's nearly impossible to get anything. The cause is simple: the system is getting hammered. People are crazier than ever for their mp3s. (Attention moron record companies: keep trying to find a business model that works with the internet. Methinks there's a wee bit of money to be made.)

Fortunately, a new P2P architecture is being introduced that should alleviate some of the growing pains people are currently dealing with. Unfortunately, from reading the developer boards, it doesn't sound like it's going too well. Until it's fixed, we'll all have to keep dealing with stupid slow searches and tons of failed downloads.

Until it's resolved, you'll just have to struggle like I did to find a good copy of Shake Ya Ass. (Well, ok, that and Ice Cream, but don't tell anybody about that one.)

Watch ya self.

Attention Dudes: It's Valentine's Day.

I like Valentine's Day. When I worked at Bachman's as a kid, it was always fun to see guys rush in at the last minute and pay $45 for a single rose and a 4" stuffed teddy bear. It was worth taking a shift in the gift shop - and breathing 88% pure potpourri for a couple hours - just to see it all go down.

Good thing my wife is so cool and understands that I see through all the marketing hoopla that Valentine's Day is tied to. Right honey?

Honey?

According to this report, I wasn't the only one pissed off about the Joe Millionaire stuff the other night.

I figure the best way to stick it to Fox is for somebody to find out who wins and leak the results. Put it on the internet. Get it on TV. I can see the crawler on CNN now:

... Bush pleased with renewed NATO support for Turkey ... Homeland security concerns result in additional searches at airports nationwide ... Joe Millionaire goes with slutty blonde who dumps him when she hears the truth ... UN inspects possible biological weapons site near Baghdad ...

The [ironic] part is even if it doesn't leaked early, I bet CNN covers it after the fact. You know that Connie Chung has gotta be a huge fan.

The thing I get the biggest kick out of are the people who take the time to go to the Joe Millionaire website and bitch about how they're so mad that they might not watch the finale. Riiight. You're such a dork that you seek out the official website to 'formally' complain, but you'll somehow develop the willpower to not watch the show? How's that again?

I heard that Fox issued a pseudo apology on tvguide.com, but it's not on the homepage and their search sucks so I couldn't find it. As a result: apology declined.

[update]

Apology acceptance status: unchanged.

Team Yep broomball season summary:

• Wins: 1
• Loses: 2
• Ties: 3
• Expected playoff wins: 0
• Broken pair of glasses: 1
• Total Penalties: 2
• Total Fans: 2
• Total Beers: 285

On a bright note, the ice this season was the best I've ever seen. Mad props to the boys at CSC for doing it up right.

Well, it must be cold in hell because we finally got around to visiting the next stop on our Tour d'Loose. St. Paul's own Groveland Tap was the latest contestant in the brawl to settle it all once and for all. Read the review and see what we thought.

On a non-cheese-filled-hamburger note, I'm wearing a pair of flannel lined pants today. I picked them up for $7 on clearance last weekend. They rule so much more than I thought they would. It's like wearing pajamas all the time.

I think I'll take a nap.

Current recipe for a great day:

• Watching the Joe Millionaire finale on Fox.
• Finding out the Dell Dude got busted for possession.
• Eating 3 tubes of those mini-M&Ms.

[update]

Oh man, I hope the butler does it.

There was a bombing in a Colombian nightclub over the weekend. A 300-pound bomb exploded in an underground parking garage at a fancy private club. As of now, 32 people have been confirmed dead.

The bombing has been attributed to the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, a leftist rebel group commonly known as the FARC. Being Marxists, the FARC are probably pissed about some social stratification issue or something. (Well, either that or because the US recently started training the Colombian army to hunt FARC.) And because bombings are the trendy way to send a message in Columbia, they naturally turn to a car full of explosives to express their displeasure.

Here's an interesting description of the club:

The club, which charges about $15,000 to join, included squash courts, a gymnasium, a large swimming pool and restaurants, including one where patrons could test their golf swings on a practice driving range while big-screen televisions broadcast news about Colombia's 39-year-old conflict.

Colombia's 39-year old conflict? Has it actually been going on for 39 years?

At first that seemed crazy to me. With that kind of longevity, it's gotta be the longest running conflict in history, right? Then I remembered this doozy, which is almost 100 years old, and this rivalry, which, while having fewer casualties, still can be vicious.

Also, I think one time France and England hated each other for like 1000 years.

After I came to my senses about the history of global conflicts, I called Hazeltine to bitch. If 15 large buys me swimming, squash, and a driving range with my dinner in Colombia, my money may just head south for the winter. It's the amenities, stupid.

This weekend went too fast.

After many years of living in a society that depends on a high degree of monetary precision, I decided that 2003 would be the year I would resolve to leave the past behind and focus on a well-rounded future. And I couldn't think of a better way to stick it to the system than by resolving to give up my daily use of pennies.

There's no question that the penny wasn't a big deal in its day. It's the oldest coin, the OG, the granddaddy of all US money. I even collected pennies as a child. But its time has clearly come. It complicates math, it fools shoppers, and it creates havoc and destruction wherever it goes.

There are up to 200 billion pennies in circulation right now. (Street value: $185.) They're sitting in closets and old gumball machines and in little kids' piggy banks. They're sitting in basements on top of dryers in little cups because somebody "forgot" to take them out of their pockets before they sent their pants to the laundry. And they're sitting on the ground everywhere because nobody will take the time to bend over and pick up a stupid penny. I predict that someday the problem will get so bad that we'll actually need to shovel paths through the pennies just to move about in the world.

There was an initiative in congress to eliminate the penny a few years back. Unfortunately, it buckled under enormous pressure from penny lobby. Those dirty politicians and their backroom deals. Makes me so mad I could spit.

So far my penny abstinence is working out ok. The old ladies in the cafeteria at work know my policy and either take from the penny cup for me or put my change pennies directly into it. At the coffee shop, I throw my pennies into the tip jar and they think I'm giving them a tip. (I only 'really' tip when Libby is there, for some reason she thinks a 10 second wait for a $3 coffee merits a 50-cent tip. Ahhh, no.)

So, my fellow spenders, if you're looking to reduce the stress in your life and return to a simpler time, take up the cause. Leave Abe behind. A copper free future awaits us all.

We have no food in the house.

Tonight when I got home from work I had some chicken noodle soup I found in the freezer. We don't have any bread for toast, so I toasted up some waffles I also found sitting in the freezer. They were right next to the soup.

Note to readers: Syrup and matzo balls is not a good combination.

I think it's time for a Cub run.

On the plus side, I found out that episodes of Kingpin are already being replayed on Bravo. I watched the first one on Sunday, but it turns out it's a Sunday/Tuesday show and I missed the one on Tuesday. Check it out if you're into that Mexican drug mafia type of deal, ala Blow.

I guess I am, so I'll be watching.

I try and talk with the duck and he sends me to the bear. If I knew where the bear lived, I might be able to continue the conversation. Little Help?

Other thoughts from a February night:

• I get suspicious when the cafeteria serves roast turkey one day and turkey noodle soup the next.
• There was some kind of crazy melt/snow cycle going on today. Everywhere I looked I saw cars covered with icecicles. Snow would melt on the roof, then run down the side of the car and freeze in that space between the bottom of the car and the ground. It looked like a bunch of combs driving down the street. Combs with headlights, obviously.
• The Refuge is pretty lame. Our waitress is always nice, though. Her name is Sarah.
• I wouldn't mind it if the rumors about the new Trey Band live album turn out to be true. People that think otherwise confuse me.
• Powell is a better speaker than Bush.

Cecchi's first rule of business:

Don't lie to anyone.

Huna's first rule of business:

There's no business problem that you can't escape by getting down on the floor and crawling out of the room.

I googled for 'first rule of business' and found some others claiming the title:

• Adapt or die
• The customer is always right
• Find a need and fill it
• Don't correct the boss
• Working capital is the most valuable tangible asset of a business and must always be preserved for its best and highest use

I think I like the crawling one best.

Libby forgot her swimsuit last weekend so she didn't get to go in the hot tub. Fortunately for me, Keith was willing to keep me company. I'm the one in the stocking cap.

I'm a seasonal hat guy. In the summer, I'm all about the visor. Nothing beats them for all around comfort and sunblocking ability. In the winter, I turn to my trusty stocking cap to provide stylish warmth. Some people tell me I look like a thug when I wear one, but they must not be looking very close because I'm clearly just a dork.

On a non-hat note, Dave Barry has a blog now. I love that dude.

On a wimpy-but-still-cute note, Libby had to use some sort of IcyHot product on her arms tonight after shoveling the driveway this morning.

I was in 6th grade when the Challenger exploded. We were having our 10:30 milk-break and our teacher - Ms. Johnson - was down having a smoke in the teachers' lounge. Most days she was gone the whole time, but that day she came back early. She had tears in her eyes and a TV on a cart. She plugged it in, turned it on, and went and sat at her desk.

Nobody talked for quite a while. I don't think any of us had seen a teacher cry before.

Fast-forward 17 years.

We heard about the Columbia pretty much as it happened. The TV was already on, and 6 of us were just vegging-out while Justin and Laura cooked swedish pancakes for breakfast. NBC broke in with the story. You know the rest.

It's a damn shame.

And, according to a letter the Strib published today it's also Bush's fault.

Scripps Howard News Service has reported how NASA tried to maintain the shuttle schedule on a tight budget -- indeed how last April concerned members of Congress' NASA funding subcommittee discussed how the space agency had lost 40 percent of its funding in the last 10 years, but under pressure from the Bush tax cut, they went ahead and cut NASA's human space flight budget another 10.3 percent.

The media made no fuss when NASA critic/Bush friend Sean O'Keefe was selected to head the agency and then set out to reduce shuttle upgrade spending by 43 percent through 2006. Nor did the media fuss when, in April 2002, NASA's independent auditor Richard Blomberg told the House Science Committee, "I have never been as concerned for space shuttle safety as I am right now."

Will the media now look at where Bush leadership is taking us?

The word of the day is 'classy'.

Even with the 'contingency', it was still a fun weekend. We hiked, ate, soaked, ate, drank, ate, and played a bunch of games. Sign me up for that deal every year.