doodledee

Last fall sometime, Kirby Puckett was busted at Redstone in Eden Prairie for [allegedly] dragging a woman into the men's bathroom and trying to grab her hooter. Today, on the eve of the Twins home opener, after hearing four days of testimony and deliberating for 8 hours over two days, a Minneapolis jury has finally concluded that yes, Kirby Puckett is fat.

He's also not guilty of a bunch of other charges.

This was kind of a tricky case to take a side in. On one hand you've got your former Minnesota Twins All Star center fielder. A local celebrity worshipped above all others. This cat even has a street named after him fer chrissakes.

But then again, lots of people suspect that maybe Kirby's some kind of crackpot. Remember, after all, that during his bizarre divorce trial a few winters ago, his wife claimed:

"[Puckett] had assaulted her and placed her in fear of death and immediate bodily harm several times including when he choked her with a clock electrical cord, when he placed a pistol in her face as she held their then 2-year-old daughter and cocked the hammer of the pistol and locked her in the basement after an argument" - and that - "to get to her and assault her, Kirby Puckett used a power saw to cut through a door in their home"

(Puckett denied all of it. Go figure.)

But come on, that's all in the past. I'm sure his days of guns and power tools are long behind him. Let's get back to the current story.

So on one hand you've got Kirby, and on the other you've got your basic drunk slut hanging out in men's rooms and flashing her boobs in public. Well, maybe that's not totally true, but that is what her friends are saying, so most likely it is. And even though I'm obviously pro-boob-flashing, it can create a wee-bit of a credibility problem.

So who do you side with? The well-connected [but psycho] former pro-athlete or the star-struck and drunk bar babe? Do I really have to choose?

After some thought, I decided I had to go with the woman in this case. It wasn't necessarily because I believed her version of the story, it just seemed like the easy side to be on. Easy because (a) I don't care what he claims, somethin' ain't right with Kirby and (b) by going with the woman, there's no risk of being in the "she was asking for it" crowd, and trust me, that's never a good crowd to be in.

As a bonus, now that Mr. Big Shot Athlete beat the rap, I get to be pseudo-outraged. Yee-haw!