doodledee

Does it still count as "just eating lunch" if "lunch" is a non-stop feeding frenzy starting around 12:30 and wrapping up sometime after 6?

I think it should. Because even if I had like 4 slices of pie, I feel less gluttonous if I can tell people that I skipped dinner.

Stop the presses! Rolling Stone Magazine has put out yet another one of their pseudo-authoritative Greatest Whatever Lists. Kick ass! This time around it's the 500 Greatest Albums of All Time. Man oh man, I hope it's better than the 100 Greatest Guitar Players issue from a couple months back.

Update: it's not.

But it's not as horrible as everyone seems to be saying it is. After the top 50, I just read it as The 450 Remaining Best Albums of All Time, as opposed to literally interpreting each position as a 'rank'. If taken that way, it seems like a reasonably fun list of records.

I'm sorry, what? Yankee Hotel Foxtrot didn't make the list? Ok, I take back what I said. The list is total bullshit. YHF is genius. The list makers at Rolling Stone are doofs. Simple as that.

There's other stuff, too. 'Highway 61' being ranked higher than 'Blood on the Tracks' seems wrong to me. Having an artist's 'greatest hits' album listed is dumb - it's not an album, it's a collection of hits sold in album form. And then there's the whole "we'll throw in 'Love Supreme' and 'Kind of Blue' so people won't think we forgot about jazz" thing. It makes me puke. Where the hell is 'The Birth of Cool'? Ah boo Rolling Stone doofs yet again.

Doofs doofs doofs.

Ok, that's probably overreacting. Well no, it's not, but it's not like I'm some crazy guy who's all worked up because Motley Crue's 'Dr. Feelgood' didn't make the cut. But hey, if you're looking for that kind of outrage, head over to the forums at RS.com. They're full of angry metal heads from the 80's. And a surprising number of Tori Amos fans, too. Great stuff.

The final thing I'll note is that I've seen quite a few people commenting on the fact that there aren't many 'newer' albums on the list. The top 20, for example, contains just one album - Nirvanna's "Nevermind" - that was made in the last 20 years. Take that for what it's worth, I guess.

In a related story, the RIAA has issued a statement intended to counter the rumors that the recent decline in music sales is the result of so much crappy music being released. Apparently it's still that pesky p2p software's fault.

The neighborhood right behind our house is this fancy area called the Country Club neighborhood. Here's an old Strib article that provides some background information.

It's an old neighborhood that's full of cool old houses rich with history and purpose and central air conditioning. At some point, somebody thought the neighborhood was important enough from a historical perspective that the whole area was registered on the National Register of Historic Places. This basically means that there are a bunch of rules and regulations about what you can and can't do to your house so that the integrity of the neighborhood will be preserved for eternity. You can't, for example, knock down your house and put up a dome home or an indoor European style go-kart track. Which is a damn shame, because go-karts are a lot of fun.

Anyway, there's supposed to be some committee or something that makes sure the stuff you do to your house is 'legal', but I don't think they're doing their job. I say this because in the last 4-5 months, there has been some serious demolition going on. Like an entire house being knocked down to make way for a bigger one, for example, something that shouldn't be allowed from what I understand.

So I asked around and here's the whole story: the owner of the house wanted to build a new house on lot he owned. He applied for the permits and stuff and was denied - presumably because of the historic district designation. Well the guy is gonna be gone for the whole summer or something so he decides that he'll just leave every window in the house open. The rain pours in, the carpet and walls gets soaked, and the house sits and gets all dirty and moldy and gross. After a while, the dude goes back and re-applies for the permits, this time arguing that the house *has* to be demolished because the mold has taken over and is impossible to clean.

Long story short: the dude now has a new house almost completed where his old, moldy one once stood. It appears he got what he wanted.

It also appears that it may have started a trend.

A month or so later, another homeowner in the neighborhood [apparently] wanted to do some serious knock down type renovation and was also [apparently] denied. Soon after, half of the roof was stripped of its clay tile shingles and left open to the elements for weeks and weeks. The rumors in the neighborhood are that the homeowner was just waiting for the roof to become moldy and damaged so that he/she could take advantage of the same loophole that the other dude exploited. What a lemming.

I've been a member of the National Trust for a number of years now. (Mostly for the 'Preservation' magazine you get by being a member, but also for the kick-ass lapel pins.) Maybe it's time to call in a few favors? Ok, no, probably not, but I am going to write a couple of letters and find out what really happened.

Updates as I get them.

Last week, after the Massachusetts Supreme Court ruled that gay couples have the right to marry under the Massachusetts constitution, a group of bigots Republicans in the Minnesota legislature leapt into action and proposed that Minnesota amend our constitution to define a marriage as being between a man and a woman. That may sound outrageous at first, but when you consider that their initial proposal tried to limit marriage to suburban white Christians, it's actually not that bad.

But wait. Doesn't Minnesota already have a law in place that prevents gay folk from marrying? Yes, my astute reader, we do. But it's just a law. And laws can be challenged in court. And they presumably will be once all those gay folks get back to Minnesota after marrying in Massachusetts. And seeing as the Big Important Minnesota Judges rule on the legality of laws based on our Constitution, Sviggum & Co. figure it's probably best if that particular document is worded just exactly perfect.

So here comes the circus of letters to the editors and stuff, which is really the point for me writing all this. The other day, some lady wrote in and commented:

With the divorce rate at 50 percent, I hardly think that heterosexual couples have a sterling record protecting the sanctity of marriage.

Maybe we should be asking ourselves how we're doing in all of our relationships with all people.

I read that and I thought, "she's right, you know." And then I thought, "wait a sec... do 50% of marriages really end in divorce?" I saw this same statistic referenced somewhere else recently and I didn't believe it then, either. After all, I know tons of people who are married and I hardly know anyone who is divorced. Am I missing something?

So I looked around. And guess what: I pretty much am. It turns out the divorce rate is right around 0.40% per capita per year. That's like 4 in a thousand. So if I know a thousand people, only 4 will get divorced every year. That might explain why it doesn't seem like half of my married friends are divorcing every year.

But the 50% statistic also holds up. It turns out that on average, about 50% - or 43% or whatever, depending on whose counting - of marriages actually do end in divorce within 15 years. Huh.

There's probably a way to extrapolate the 50% statistic using the 0.40% number, but I can't take the time to figure it out right now because I'm focusing all my mathematical energy on preparing for my January trip to Vegas. God may not play dice, but I do.

I can't quite put my finger on why exactly, but gas station hot chocolate frickin' rocks. It's smooth and creamy and chocolaty and delicious and it warms me up and I get it almost every time I fill up the tank once it starts getting cold out.

You should, too. $0.85 happiness. Can't beat that.

There was a HUGE crowd outside the downtown Target store this morning. At least 500 rubes, maybe more, all waiting for the store to open so they could run in and buy the newest Cities Sampler disc. I suppose on one hand it's good to see so many people because the proceeds from the album go to charity, but let me tell you this: when you're kicking ass through the skyways on your way work and you haven't had your coffee yet and your shoe has already come untied twice on the way there, you're in no mood to fight your way through a massive crowd of adult-contempo fans who - for reasons I will never, ever, understand - think they need to hear even more of Jason Mraz singing 'The Remedy'.

MOOOOOOOOVE!

Anyway, as is habit, 8 minutes after getting to work, I went to get a cup of coffee. While outside, I saw this dude on the street carrying a target bag with 3 CDs in it. He was talking on his cellphone. "It was crazy. I haven't seen anything like this since Furby."

Ha. Furby. That thing ruled. Mood improved.

After 6 months of hemming and hawing, we finally have a new car. The process was long. Longer than it probably had to be. That's probably mostly completely totally without question because I was involved in the process. I'm a doof like that. Buying anything expensive exposes one of the many chinks in my 'live with no regrets' armor. In this case, the chink is of the 'good god what if I make the wrong decision?' variety. Funny how that works.

Anyway, parked in our garage at this very moment is a lower mileage 2001 Saab 9-5. It's a sedan, which is kind of like a wagon but not really. It's titanium silver. It has four doors. It has an automatic transmission. It's safe. It has heated seats so when you drive around it feels like you just peed your pants. It has faux wood accents on the dashboard. It plays well with the other eurotrash sedans in our neighborhood. It's a Virgo.

I'd take some pictures, but I'm never home when it's light out. Probably this weekend.

Mad props to the team at Poquet Auto. Buy your next car there. They rock.

And I should also probably mention that parked next to the Saab is a bitchin' 97 Saturn SC2 that needs a new home. So if you know anyone that needs a fake sports car, send them my way.

And talking about academic standards, what I want to know is this: when people freak out about Closing the Achievement Gap, are they advocating improving the quality of education for all students and helping all children - regardless of race, socio-economic background, etc - achieve their maximum potential? And if that means spending a little more time and/or a little more effort and/or a little more money on some group of students so that they can learn to read better or do math better or take some post secondary classes to get a jump on college, then that's what they're advocating? Right?

I would really hope so. Because man, it'd really be awkward if instead they were trying to dumb down academic standards in an attempt to create some sort of Solidly Mediocre Utopia where every kid is the same and - lest we forget - they're all winners. Can't being a 'winner' just mean that you've succeeded to the best of your abilities? I think so. But that's just me. And I'm a loser. So there.

I find it hard to rage against both plutocracy and a meritocracy at the same time. I'm not even sure it's possible. Huh.

Mike Doughty show was fun. Lots of people. Skewed older. Good vibe. It was one of those shows where you can leave to get a beer and come back and nobody will have taken your little piece of real estate on the floor. Sweet.

The band was great. With an electric guitar, a synth organ thing, drums, and an upright bass - played by local boy John Munson - they were acoustic enough to be smooth and jazzy in the quiet parts and electric enough to be loud and proud in the rockin' parts. Mike also did a few songs by himself. In there somewhere was some song about busting down a Starbucks. Waa hoo.

Show lasted maybe 2 hours but it felt like 10 minutes. After it ended, Mike came out and talked with us common folk until we got tired of talking with him. I thought that was cool, but maybe it just means he's desperate for people to buy his new EP, who knows.

I talked to him for a minute and I got him to sign my ticket stub. Then I went and played a game of Tetris. The joystick was kind of sticky. Gross.

Then I left.

When the new Survivor started this fall, I was convinced that if that Rupert dude made it to the end, he would look pretty much like '69 Jerry.

At the halfway point of the show, however, I'm thinking he'll actually end up closer to '75 Jerry.

'69 Jerry just looks too.. uhh... healthy?

My neighborhood had a community meeting the other day. It was the first one we've had in the 4 or so years we've lived here. Sure we've had picnics and stuff, but never anything even remotely quasi-governmental. Is it possible that the natives are restless? A call to arms?

We got the notice as a flyer on our door. It listed the time, place, and the topics that would be covered. I thought it was funny that 'traffic' was one of the topics. I know the real issue is cut-through traffic, but most of the traffic that I see around the area is people who live here. There are a couple of 'more significant' streets that see some heavier loads at rush, but I don't really know what you'd do to ease that stuff, as it's mostly people heading into Linden Hills and it's really the only way to get there. Maybe the plan is take cars off the road by selling a bunch of Morningside municipal bonds to finance Segways for all the locals or something. Kick ass. I'm gonna name mine 'Tippy'.

Anyways, I didn't go to the meeting, but I called one of the 'board' members and let them know that I was interested in keeping up with what was going on and that I'd do my best to attend stuff in the future. She took my information down and then we talked for a while about what had happened at the meeting. She let me know that there's going to be an election type deal to select some sort of neighborhood council. She asked if I was interested in running and I told her that I wasn't, but that I'd be willing to support any candidate who was in favor of Morningside seceding from Edina. I of course said it as a joke, but her more or less silent response told me that either (a) there really are people out there who want to secede from Edina or (b) she's afraid of wacko strangers who call her at home.

My money is on (b).

Dunn Bros coffee shop - where I get coffee every morning and who has the best damn coffee in town - has stopped getting their baked goods from Taste of Scandinavia. The rumors are that it isn't a temporary thing and that it wasn't exactly a 'smooth' breakup.

Jesus. Where am I supposed to get a good apple fritter now?

I went down to the Mall of America with the Conways last night to see Rachael Ray give a cooking demonstration and do a book signing. She was in the big rotunda place where all the uberfamous mall guests do their events. The mall had set up a little fake kitchen on the stage and she cooked some stuff while she talked about her new book, which I didn't buy.

I was excited to go see her, but for some reason it turned out to be pretty dumb. First, I was kind of grumpy after work. Second, before she came on, KC and I went over to Krispy Kreme to get a snack and I got a donut and a frozen coffee thing and the total came to $5. That's criminal. And then the frozen coffee thing was hella bad even though it had a small mountain of whipped cream on top of it. It was one of those blender drinks and the ice chips were so big you could hardly pull them through the straw. I almost sucked my eyeballs into my head. Ahh boo Krispy Kreme Krappy Koffee Koolers.

There was more stuff, too. The crowd was bigger than I expected - though still not huge - and you had to buy a book to get an autograph, which I wasn't going to do because I don't really like the food she makes on her show. Or at her demonstrations, for that matter, as last night she wowed us with her ability to make a kicked-up frozen pizza and a bowl of popcorn. Blah blah blah, whatever, who cares.

There were some highlights, though. We saw this one huge guy walking around in a heavy metal t-shirt talking on his cell phone who had a really high voice. That was pretty funny. And I only made Zach cry once, which I think may be a new personal best. Yip yip.

Minnesota is in the midst of one of those phases where the government tries to redefine all the stuff the schools are supposed to be teaching our kids. It seems to happen every couple of years, which is funny because when the standards are set they're intended to last for like decades or something. Kind of like the how the Met Council under Ventura spent 2 years coming up with this master plan that was supposed to guide the development of the metro area for like the next 20 years and then when Pawlenty's team took over they shitcanned the whole thing and started over. Money well spent, I'm sure.

The big issue during the current go 'round of standards redefinition has to do with social studies. Back when I was in school, social studies class was mostly just learning about current events. Our teacher would make us read the paper or watch some 'political' show he/she had recorded on TV or something. We'd discuss stuff as a class. We'd have debates. We'd write some papers. It was fun. Those of us that were super dorks would maybe even parlay our 'social studies' knowledge into a speech team or model UN club membership. (Assuming we could squeeze it in, of course. Quarterbacking the football team and dating a cheerleader can take a lot of time.)

The current argument about social studies standards doesn't seem to have anything to do with current events and everything to do with history. That doesn't make sense to me, as we had separate History classes, but it makes sense to everyone else because they're all worked up about it.

Here's the quick and dirty:

1. Back in September, the state - via Education Commissioner Cheri Pierson Yecke - proposed a bunch of things that kids should learn. [read them here]
2. People freaked out.

Surprisingly, though, it all seemed well behaved. The state was listening to what people had to say and seemed to be in no hurry to settle on something until it was deemed 'reasonable' by most everyone. And most everyone seemed to be okay with giving some input and iteratively working through the process until something 'reasonable' was produced. And that's how I got suckered in. Hey, I thought, here's a situation where everyone seems to be taking the high road. It's gonna work out. Hooray for decency.

Well I was wrong. The process has now become insane. Once the wackos got the news that the state may actually be listening to input, they went to Defcon 1. Take for example this column in today's Strib from the Center for the American Experience. Just read it, that's enough. The debate has been hijacked by irrational jerks. On both sides. Ah boo jerks.

Fortunately as a parent I can take solace in the fact that of all the disciplines in school, I think the social studies stuff is the easiest to teach your kid. It's all just talking and reading and watching tv and putting signs in your yard, right? Piece of cake.

We went down to the Galleria today to return a lamp that Libby bought to replace the crappy lamp that we've been trying to find a replacement for for like 4 years. She had picked up one from Pottery Barn that looked cool in the catalog but turned out to be way too short. Back to the crappy lamp we go. Anyhoo.

I hadn't been to the Galleria in a while. Over a year, I think. This most likely has to do with the fact that Sound Center went out of business and I really don't have a need for expensive soaps and/or maternity clothes, which eliminates 2/3rds of the stores in the place. At least there is a Williams Sonoma, so the kitchen whore in me can get her fix.

For the most part, things are the same as they were the last time I was there. There were a few new stores, though, my favorite being the Bang and Olefsun store that offers both a $400 stainless steel mp3 player (whaa?) and a $350 super fancy phone (double whaa?). The phone was the best because they talked up how their background in high end audio allowed them to create a superior sounding phone. Uhh, it's a phone. It sounds like crap. As someone who has what others would call an 'addiction' to high end audio equipment, even I have no interest in a high fidelity phone. Yet being the Galleria, there were several rubes eager to talk with the saleskid about how they can most effectively part with their money.

Whatever.

I installed iTunes on my work laptop as soon as it came out the other week. It rocks. I've been gradually importing CDs into it as I listen to them and when I'm at the office, I've been listening to other people's stuff through the 'sharing' feature. I've even browsed the iTunes store a couple of times and I *almost* bought that Hey Ya! song by Outkast but then I didn't because I'm too cheap and I hear it on the radio all the time so that's probably enough.

To top it all off, I think I've reconvinced myself for the 5th time that I'm going to buy an iPod. Wee!

Then today there was a story going around about how McDonald's announced an agreement with Apple to give away up to a billion - that's with a 'b' - free downloads from the iTunes store. I already managed to pass on the whole Best Buy bucks thing, which took all the willpower I could muster, and now I have to miss out on free tunes, too?

Damn you McDonald's and your clever marketing schemes!

Oh wait. That's part of the problem, isn't it? I guess maybe resistance will be easier than I thought.

I'm still thinking I'll most likely probably certainly get the iPod, though.

The new matrix movie opened this morning. I've been laying low trying not to hear anything about it. When you're hardwired to the internet all day, that can be trickier than you think. Websites, emails, instant messages, and - worst of all - the dorks who threaten to tell you stuff just because they know it'll piss you off. Wee! You're fun! Doitagain! Doitagain!

There really aren't too many other things where if you hear something it ruins something else for you. Huh. Then again, maybe it's not just unique to the sense of hearing. Now that I think about it, it's rare that you smell something and have it ruin something else, too. Or touch, even? I can think of lots of examples of tasting something and having it ruin something else, though.

Whatever. So far I know nothing about how the movie looks, sounds, tastes, or ends. That's all that really matters.

Off-year election instructions:

1. Get ballot from nice old lady - no waiting
2. Pick some new school board people
3. Yea or nay a tax increase
4. Yea or nay another tax increase
5. Scan ballot
6. Take a sticker from different nice old lady

That's about it.

ATTENTION PROFESSIONAL SPORTS TEAMS:

Every team does not need to have third jersey that is red. They look dumb. All of them. The Wild's version looks stupid. The Raptor's version looks stupid. The Sabre's version look stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.

Please issue an immediate apology. Then call that Carson dude from Queer Eye and have him help you design the next version.

Thank you.

We went to the homecoming parade at the U yesterday morning. As always, it was a good time. Homecoming was late in the season this year to defend against possible Twins playoff conflicts, so it was a little colder out, but a good size crowd showed up to brave the elements and watch the current crop of students try and drag themselves down the street. This year featured the usual collection of built-the-night-before floats and a couple of pretty stinkin' awesome ones. Maybe the best I've seen at a Homecoming parade. My personal highlight was at the start of the parade when an F-16 did a flyover down the length of University Avenue. Bitchin'. I should go to more air shows, that stuff rules.

On a less bitchin' note, Herb Brooks' family were the honorary parade marshals or whatever. A nice way to honor a great man to be sure, but it was a little awkward when they rolled by in a convertable. They're all sad and stuff and you feel bad for them, but do you clap and smile or what? I just kind of kicked at the ground. Umm, yeah... Can I go back to acting like a dumbass now?

On a bummer note, the parade moved pretty slowly. Check that, it moved unbelievably slowly. Slow like 2+ hours slow. Slow like how-in-the-hell-can-it-be-going-this-slow-hasn't-this-parade-route-been-the-same-for-like-100-years-what's-left-for-you-morons-to-figure-out slow? Brutal. Especially when Herb Brooks' family is parked in front of you for like 7 minutes.

And there's another thing. Because it isn't currently an election year the parade was basically devoid of gladhanding politicians looking to kiss babies. This sucked because a) politicians are the most fun to taunt and b) for the first time ever, I HAD A FRICKIN' BABY TO KISS. So not only did I not get to remind R.T. that Block E is a miserable failure, I didn't get to tell R.T. to kiss my kid to try and win my vote back. (Not that he'd know that I live in Edina, sukka.)

Props to PDX for the free donuts and bevies.

Good news, people, local health clubs have *finally* had enough of people using the cameras on their cell phones to take pictures of other people in the locker rooms of their clubs. [strib story here] At last I can go back to letting it all hang out.

Hold up. Are people seriously going into locker rooms and taking pictures of other people taking showers or something? Really? I could see this being a problem if, say, the locker rooms were co-ed - and let's be honest, even in that case, I think it would mostly be the dudes who were the problem - but are there really a bunch of websites out there where people post a bunch of grainy pictures of pale white guys wearing only their high tops? Lord help us if there are.

And what's more, is it really necessary to make an explicit policy that bans taking nudie pictures in the locker room? Shouldn't that just be something that people kind of 'know' not to do? What's next? No peeing in the pool?

It's a slippery slope, my friends.