doodledee

KC took me to a Timberwolves game last night down at the filthy-seated Target Center. It was great. We had the best tickets I've ever had for a game, even better than the ones I used to get when I consulted for a dot-com back in the halcyon late-90's. We also had a great view of Jesse, who was eager to cheer for everything on the court, but couldn't manage to clap when a couple local boys who had been shot up during the Iraq war were introduced to the crowd. Other highlights included the fact that we won the game and that KC and I held hands for the entire 3rd quarter.

It's odd that I so rarely write about the Wolves. I watch basically every game they play, so you'd think I'd be going crazy about our chances this year. Well I am, but I guess that's only on the inside. Funny how that works.

I also saw Oliver Miller in the skyways again. He was still big.

And we're back. All kinds of stuff happened over the long holiday weekend, but apparently writing wasn't one of them. Funny how that works.

Here's some random stuff I was going to stretch out a bit but then I decided to keep it short instead.

While attending a wedding receptions in Wisconsin, I got a kick out of how the banquet staff came around and offered everybody a glass of milk to drink with dinner. I took one and put it next to my glass of water, my glass of champale, and my glass of *non-Wisconsin* beer. I appreciate the choices, but talk about a bladder buster.

While reading her full page ad in the Sunday paper, I noticed that Yoko Ono hasn't said anything original in like 25 years. She's still quoting stuff John Lennon said in the 70's. Stuff that they pitched as being from 'them'. Turns out it was from 'him' and she was just 'a creative fraud'. A rich fraud, sure, but a fraud none-the-less.

While watching the press conference replays from the MadCow2003 stuff, I realized that the one dude who is the Head Veterinarian of the United States is pretty wicked smart about animals. And his sidekick buddy - who I think actually may have been his boss at the FDA - was also pretty wicked smart. It was neat to listen to them answer questions. They used terms like 'muscle meat'. That was a first for me.

And talking about muscle meat, the Jucy Lucy crew headed over to Murray's this afternoon for a lunch Lucy. (I wore jeans.) I've written up our review in the broken-til-just-now Best Jucy Lucy section of the site. Check it out. As a bonus, while fixing the broken Lucy pages, I also ported the triplog stuff that I kept when Libby and I went to NYC last year. Someday we'll take another vacation, but until then, just keep rereading about that one over and over again.

Oh, and I saw Oliver Miller in the skyway today. That's one big dude.

I was briefly at GIFTCON 1 this afternoon. It wasn't pretty. And I don't think I was alone, either. I seriously saw a guy standing in the skyway outside the downtown Target trying to work up the courage to go in and shop. It was a total madhouse. It's been like that for two solid days. Yesterday the power went out through the whole store. That's almost like biblical or something. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that later that day the Mississippi started boiling. Or that California got decked by another earthquake. Uhhh.

Anyway, at lunch I was gearing up to bitch about how christmas snuck-up on me and how I deserved more time to shop, but then I remembered that like six weeks ago I was bitching about how christmas seems to come earlier and earlier every year. There's a logic puzzle in there somewhere. Have fun with that, then.

And have fun this holiday. It's the only one where you get to say 'nog', so don't waste it.

Some big truck or bus or something ran into a streetlight on Nicollet mall the other day. It was Monday morning, I think. It broke the glass globe thingy that surrounds the 'light' part of the light, and bent the fixture up a little bit. It also tweaked one of the light-up snowflakes that are hung out to accent the Holidazle parade route.

It'll be interesting to see how long it takes to get it fixed. My prediction is Valentine's Day.

I'll get a picture next week and we can wait for the repair work together. Think of it as my christmas present to you, the reader.

At this point in the presidential campaign back in 1991, Bill Clinton was tied for 7th place in the race for the Democratic nomination. He was basically a longshot nobody.

America, say hello to your next president: Dennis Kucinich.

You heard it here first.

Quotes from a holiday weekend:

• "I have a picture of us in my wallet!" -- My co-worker friend Erin at the company holiday party on Friday night. Turns out the 'us' she was talking about was her and her new quasi-famous boyfriend, not me and her. That's probably for the best.
• "Is everybody having a good time? [Big applause] Of course you are! We're fuckin' awesome!" -- Jayhawks frontman Gary Louris giving in to his legendary ego Saturday night at First Avenue.
• "I am not leaving this store without a present for her! Every year she gives me one first and it looks like I'm just giving her one because she gave me one! I want to walk in that door on Monday morning with her gift!" -- Some dude having a massive Christmas meltdown with his wife Sunday afternoon at Target. I probably stared more than I should have.

Saw Vic Chesnutt at the 400 Bar last night. It was neat, if not a little bizarre. The bar was *so* quiet. When the show started, the place went silent like a church. I don't think anyone so much as whispered for the like the first 15 minutes. Nobody really even moved. I felt like a rebel lifting my beer to take a drink. It was insane. I was kind of half digging it and half freaking out. That's always fun.

Vic is apparently one of these 'moody' performers, but last night I wasn't able to tell if he was happy or cranky or what. He plays all these really sad songs and stuff, but between songs he smiles and tells a lot of jokes. He also curses a lot. If I had to guess, I'd say he was pretty upbeat. After the show, some people lifted him down off the stage and he just hung out talking with people. I got my picture taken with him and told him I liked his stocking cap. What a hoot.

Today the new 'Lord of the Rings' movie opened in theaters everywhere. It's 3 hours and 45 minutes long or something crazy like that. Seriously, it is. My ass is gonna be so sore. If we don't get the good seats where you can put your feet up on the little bar thing I'm gonna have to get up and walk around during halftime of the war just to keep from atrophying.

Hey, that reminds me, what ever happened to having an intermission during movies? I remember them from when I was a kid, but it's been forever since I've been to a movie that had one. Huh.

Anyway, the point of writing this wasn't to talk about my butt pain, it was to talk about the way in which a movie like 'Lord of the Rings' has changed the rules of society. More specifically, it seems that it is suddenly 'cool' or 'hip' or 'whatever' to define oneself as a geek. It's scary. The 'cool kids' are suddenly into the same crap that you are/were in to. Regular people are talking about Gandolf and Bilbo and Anakin and all kinds of other crap that even a couple of years ago would have been either completely foreign or simply taboo. Even worse, there are shows on tv where some totally hot NFL cheerleader chick *almost* picks a kinda-geeky guy over a more traditional pretty boy. What the hell is going on here?

Somebody should come up with a test to prove if you're a real geek or not. At first it sounds easy, but I'm actually not so sure it would be. As I see it, the biggest problem isn't separating the FakeGeeks™ from the true geeks, rather it's differentiating between those who are geeks and those who are nerds. To the uninitiated this may seem like a non-issue, but I can assure you there is a very non-subtle difference. Maybe that should be the first question on the test: 400 words on the differences between geeks and nerds. Hot dog, we have a wiener.

But really, what's the point? I say we enjoy our day in the sun while it lasts. Except here in Minnesota where it's only light out for like 28 minutes a day, in which case enjoy it on into the night as well. And when the whole trendy geek thing finally passes, take pride in knowing that you're still OG on the inside.

In the meantime, if any of you NFL cheerleaders want to give me a call, feel free to do so. Strangely, Libby says she's ok with it.

I just picked up three - that's right three - used file cabinets from an online auction being facilitated by a local auction house. Total cost: fourteen bucks. Booya.

Some of you may wonder why I purchased three when I really only need one.

The answer is simple: I have auction fever.

I can't decide what's more fun to watch: the people who seem genuinely disappointed that the US managed to capture Saddam, or the people who get so worked up over the people who seem genuinely disappointed that US managed to capture Saddam. Ok, yes I can. The people who get upset are way more fun to watch. Duh.

And another thing. Why is it that every time there are a few toast crumbs on the butter, Libby assumes it's my fault? Other people come over to the house too, you know. And who's to say they don't like toast as much as I do? So there.

Backblogging - for historical purposes only:

Friday - After work. Take Nick to Marshal Fields 8th Floor Auditorium. Charlie and the Chocloate Factory. Great choice. Personal favorite. I'm excited. Ready to tell story to kid. Ready to point out animatronic oompa loompas and the original Veruca Salt. Kid ignores dad. Sleeps through whole thing. Gets nothing out of it. No $4 gingerbread man cookie for him.

Saturday - Rise and shine. Cocoa Puffs. Coffee. Soccer. Used office furniture store. Need a cheap filing cabinet. Turns out they're not cheap. $80 for a beat up 4-drawer. Forget that. Dinner. Molly arrives to babysit. Off to First Avenue for kick ass Trip Shakespeare reunion show. 3 hours. Packed. Lots of older fat dudes with ponytails. Like a unix convention. Highlights: too many to list, but back to back Slacks / Toolmaster probably tops overall. More please.

Sunday - Capture Saddam Hussein. Head down to Rochester for Santa brunch with Puds and Dunns. Crab legs -> eggs benedict -> crab legs combo a decidedly bad choice in retrospect. Slumber party tummy. Over to other grandparent's house. Home to cities. Stop to nurse at Cannonball. Gas station hot cocoa. Yum. Arrive. Unpack. Read. Watch Tivo'd Survivor. Scream. Bed.

After Al 'I Shaved My Beard Months Ago' Gore threw his weight behind Howard Dean the other day, I'm convinced - like basically everyone else - that Dean will win the Democratic nomination. I'm also convinced that he can't beat Bush. Here's why:

1. He's too uptight. Seriously, can you imagine hearing Dean telling a dirty joke? Neither can I. After W and [especially] Clinton, people have grown accustomed to a little bit of horseplay from their leadership. Dean just doesn't come across as that type of dude.
2. He's too hip. Well he's probably not too hip personally, but his campaign has a certain 'hipness' feel to it. It's all about email and weblogs and meet-ups and all that crap. The paper writes stories about people who are probably maybe most likely going to vote for Dean like they're some kind of new counter culture wireless enabled revolutionary. It'll be impossible to keep the underfunded, underground, underdog myth alive until the election. There has got to be a backlash, his demographic is just too cynical. After all, if trucker hats didn't last 3 months, how can the Dean Train expect to last 11?
3. He's too smart. Again, I guess I don't know if he's really all that smart, but he comes across as being kind of a smarty pants, and that turns people off. Ordinary people want to vote for some chucklehead guy they can relate to. Clinton got away with being super smart by acting like the type of guy who could tell a good dirty joke. (See #1).
4. He's too mean and angry. And sure, that rage stuff plays great with the upper-middle-class-oh-my-god-i-hate-bush-so-much-i-could-spit-now-lets-go-for-a-ride-in-my-saab crowd, but it's not going to go over well on a national stage. I think it's a September 11 thing, although I've read talk that the memory of 9/11 will have completely faded by next fall, so who knows. What I do know is that - as expected at this stage of the game - he's full of vitriolic rage and that once that message reaches a wider audience, it very well may turn them off.
5. Bush has too much money. Expect to see anti-Dean rhetoric out of the Bush administration starting in late January. (That's right: 10 months of Bush commercials. Thank god for fake tivo.) And with Wacko Left Dean trying to win the Democratic nomination (see #4), he'll be a much easier target than the Reasonable Centrist Dean we'll see come July. Could get real ugly real fast.

So there you have it. Like I said, it's early. I reserve the right to say I was wrong on any/all of the points I made above. Read at your own risk.

We got our flu shots yesterday. It was insanely busy at the Minute Clinic in the downtown Target store, but they were apparently one of the last places on earth that had the shots so we waited patiently with the rest of the procrastinators. It wasn't all that bad, really. I shopped for new glasses in the optical department while we waited. And as a bonus, the fake doctor lady who works in the fake clinic was super nice. Way nicer than she had to be given her impossibly long line of grumped-out customers. She hadn't eaten or even sat down in like 12 hours but her biggest worry was that her clinic was going to come to her office after she closed and 'reallocate' the rest of her vaccines to other clinics. What a hoot.

All this craziness makes me wonder what would happen if a real epidemic hit. Is this really how it's supposed to work? I sure hope not. It also makes me wonder how much trouble I'd get in for smacking one of the countless people who took the time to say, "You're such a dumbass! I got my flu shot weeks ago! There were no lines!"

Good for you, Jack.

Oh, and I'd like to send a special shout-out to the media for whipping everyone into flu shot hysteria. I stand by my prediction that a couple of good shark attacks in Florida would have done more to help manage the vaccine shortage than anything else.

Seriously, if I had the choose between a 26-year old hot guy who still lives with his parents and who wants to be a weatherman when he grows up and a 27-year old millionaire who has a phatty apartment in Manhattan and owns his own brokerage house, I'd *totally* go for the guy hot guy. He's pretty. Pretty like a girl. And you just can't beat that.

Apparently I'm not the only one.

If anything, this should prove once and for all that the whole 'sense of humor is the most important' line that chicks have been feeding us for years is a bunch of hooey. Face it, ladies, you're just as shallow as us dudes, you're just a lot more polite about it. We all know that the weatherkid doof was a stiff. He was good at smiling at the camera and sucking face on the beach and that's about it. His face made his case.

On a personal note, I was bummed that the Adam guy lost because if he had won this would most likely have been the "busiest" Mistletoe Season this dork had ever been a part of. Think about it... it would've been trendy to lip wrestle with geeks. I could have done some serious damage.

Oh well, there's always next season. At least Libby cheered for the geek guy.

Tonight I had this whole idea worked up where I was gonna talk about how stupid it is when legislation is reactionary. I was gonna point out that just because something is the hot topic of the day doesn't necessarily mean that today is the best time to enact a bunch of new laws. I'd comment that sometimes it's best to stop and think about the bigger picture because if we don't, we end up with things like The PATRIOT Act or The PATRIOT Act II.

The driver was that I had this joke about how dumb it is that Pawlenty is all revved up to reinstate the death penalty for gay people who try and get married. I thought it was pretty funny.

When I told it to Libby, she goes, "It's ok. I didn't laugh out loud or anything."

Ouch. Guess I'll skip it, then.

Number of days I've had the Saturn posted on cars.com: 1

Number of messages I've received - in the junk yahoo account I used - offering to sell me an extended automobile warrantee: ~30

Probably just a coincidence, though.

The latest trend in Bushbashing is centered on how Bush apparently doesn't attend enough (read: any) funerals for US soldiers killed in Iraq. What's worse, he doesn't allow cameras to show the flag-draped coffins being unloaded from planes here in America. What's worse yet, he kicks puppies.

Bush-backers are quick to point out that no other President has ever attended a funeral, with the exception of LBJ, who attended all of two during Vietnam. Sure, they all attend memorial services and stuff, but never a funeral for an individual soldier.

My opinion: who cares? This is a classic case of "man, I wish I would have thought of that." Because we all know that if some righty strategist had figured out that Clinton wasn't attending funerals for the soldiers killed in Kosovo that the spin machine would have been turning the opposite direction. Makes me puke either way.

Next issue, please.

1. Get some animal crackers
2. Place them in humorous (read: compromising) positions
3. Take pictures
4. Post pictures on a "hilariously" named website - maybe something like dirtycrakers.com or crakersgonewild.com
5. Profit!

After the whole jesusgoose.com initiative, I'm thinking I'll just sit this one out, so everyone should feel free to piggyback on my genius.

What a weekend!

I got up at 3:30 in the morning on Friday, ready and willing to do my part to drive this jobless recovery further into positive territory; namely, standing in the cold and waiting to buy things. Ninety minutes later I found myself sipping a latte and waiting in a line of maybe 400 or so people in the parking lot of the Wal-Mart down in Eden Prairie. Nearly all of us were there in the hopes of securing one the greatest gifts bestowed onto the American public since universal health care: the $28 DVD player.

Sure, we could have just slept late and then shopped at home for better, cheaper stuff on Ebay, but would that have really been the 'right' thing to do? I for one say no. And so did many of my frozen brethren that chilly winter morning, as we stood in the dark, stamping our feet and cursing at the cold, because deep down we knew that if Wal-Mart's single day revenue didn't at least triple the annual GDP of East Timor that we may as well all pack our bags and move to Canada because the terrorists would finally have won.

Anyway, long story short, 10 minutes after the store opened I was thrown to the floor and trampled by a stampede of enraged shoppers. I don't remember much of it. I think I blacked out or something. News reports say that several people in the crowd actually thought about helping me, but found themselves paralyzed by the fear of not getting a discount DVD player and instead elected to simply keep pressing on. Can't say that I blame them. Have you ever seen one of those things play a movie? The clarity is *awesome*!

So I'm home now after two quick days in the hospital. Not too bad, considering. Thanks to everyone for the cards and candy and stuff.