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the saab was used - we got nothing

There's an article in last Sunday's Times that discusses the "wacky" stuff car dealers do in order to keep their customers happy while they're waiting for their cars to be built and delivered. And by "wacky" I mean koo-koo-crazy over the top stuff like "sending people t-shirts" or "a keychain" or maybe even "a postcard with an update". Whoa. Slow down.

Marketing doofs aside, the part of article that got me juiced up was how the car companies are only *now* starting to get that the internet can help us, the customer, help them, the vendor, help us, the customer, help... uhhh, hold on. Maybe an example.

Take Mini. They're featured extensively in the article for the cutting edge ubercool relationship they try and maintain with people who are waiting for their customized Minis to be built and shipped over from Jolly Old England. It all started back when The New Minis were first released and the waiting list was like 10 months long:

Shortly after the introduction in the United States, Mini created the "Where's My Baby?" program on the Internet, so customers could check on their cars' progress. But that didn't seem enough for what were shaping up to be rabidly enthusiastic Mini owners. "It was a little impersonal to just be able to know the basics," [some marketing doof] said.

You mean people wanted more than just an assembly status code? They wanted to form a - gasp! - community?! They wanted to bond with other Mini lovers all over the world and talk about awesome small English cars are? No doy!

Well then hey, let's harness the True Power of The Interweb:

So the company added online message boards, where owners can ask one another about maintenance and warranty issues or just swap stories about their cars. Owners, or soon-to-be-owners, can even write journals, some of which have become quite elaborate. The site has about 12,000 registered users.

And there you have it. 12,000 people writing blogs about their Minis. And not just while they wait for them to be delivered, either. They keep writing about them after they get them. And they write more after they drive them and after they get them fixed at the dealer and after the first time somebody calls their car "shagadellic" and they punch them in the face. That's a genuine grassroots goldmine. And it's open. And it's honest. And it's SO FRICKIN' OBVIOUS. And while sure, there are going to be people who are mad and post about how some part on their car broke or something, that just gives you, the company, another opportunity to look good. Observe: when said incident happens, simply a) fix the problem and b) sit back and watch the praise roll in. Fer duh.

Oddly, very few companies have this stuff in place. Instead it's just a free for all on other car websites or usenet or whatever. Why companies don't build their brand around the culture that their customers are actually building for them is beyond me. Loss of control, maybe? Job security? Laziness?

There's a non-subtle cluetrain tie-in here, too, but I think I'll skip it in favor of watching Conan's monologue.

What to Expect When You're Expecting a Mini-Cooper [NYT]

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milkgate update

Update to my prior entry about the new gallon milk jugs that Kemps is forcing down our throats that cost like $0.70 more than the old school jugs when all they have are different handles:

Cub no longer carries the traditional gallon jugs.

You now have no choice. You want milk, you overpay. Simple as that.

I hate my Cub.

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why i love geologists

Scientists had hoped for a specific landing site where they could examine both the surface layer that's rich in hematite and an underlying geological feature of light-colored layered rock. The small crater appears to have exposures of both, with soil that could be the hematite unit and an exposed outcropping of the lighter rock layer.

"If it got any better, I couldn't stand it," said Dr. Doug Ming...

This Mars stuff kicks so much ass.

Opportunity Sits In A Small Crater, Near A Bigger One [NASA]

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and we're back

How I wish that there were more
Than the twenty-four hours in the day
’cause even if there were forty more
I wouldn’t sleep a minute away
Oh, there’s black jack and poker and the roulette wheel
A fortune won and lost on ev’ry deal
All you need’s a strong heart and a nerve of steel
Viva las vegas, viva las vegas.
Viva!
Viva!
Las Vegas!

- Elvis Presley - Viva Las Vegas

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looks just like a chipotle if you ask me

Today for lunch a bunch of us doofs from the office went over to this new place Pancheros that just opened in the disaster that is Block E. It was the first day they were open and you had to have an invitation to get in. Bestest part? Once you did, everything was free. Worstest part? Downtown has another bullshit chain.

But did I mention it was free food? Uhhh, sure, I'll go once.

Price aside, I'd grade the overall Pancheros experience a boo+. The food was even blander than I expected. I had a steak burrito and it was a disappointment throughout. And then you don't get chips. Just the burrito. And in the end it's just a like all the other giant burritos you get around town only at Pancheros they forgot to make it taste.

So how did they earn the '+'? The glop of bitchin' garlicky homemade guac that was hiding out in the last 2" of my burrito saved the day. It ruled. More, please.

Bestest part of the lunch trip? After we got our free food we all went over to the City Center to find a place to eat. While riding the escalator to the upstairs section of the foodcourt, IT BROKE DOWN AND STOPPED MOVING. It was crazy. At first I thought it was terrorists, but now I'm pretty sure it was probably just a mechanical problem. Either way, we stood there for maybe 10 minutes before we gave up and just climbed the rest of the stairs to the second floor. I felt so cheated.

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take me to your leader

When is somebody in Washington going to realize that We The People don't *want* the government trying to make our country safe from terrorism, we *expect* the government to make our country safe from terrorism. It shouldn't even be an issue. So stop talking about it.

Thank you.

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i think gdll fixes the 747s when they break

Big scandal here in Northwest Airlines country. Whooo weee, I loves me a good scandal!

The Juicy Details: Way back in the weeks and months immediately following the September 11th attacks, Northwest Airlines apparently gave the government all kinds of pseudo-private information about the people that were flying on NWA planes. In addition to travel plans and itineraries, NWA turned over things like names and addresses and ages and probably credit card numbers and whatnot. Fast forward to toda and, go figure, people are a little worked up at such a violation of privacy and trust. Who knew?

Personally, I don't see what the big deal is. Everyone saw this coming. Hell, NWA's CEO Richard Anderson more or less admitted they were going to give away all kinds of private passenger information when he was asked about doing so right after 9/11:

"Northwest Airlines will not share customer information"

Whoops! Guess he misspoke. But give the guy a break. He was under enormous stress at the time begging the government for huge cash bailouts for his ailing company. I'm sure his well prepared spokesperson, Kurt Ebenhoch, got it right. Let's just go by what he had to say at the time:

"We do not provide that type of information to anyone."

Whoops again! Guess that dude misspoke, too! Man, what are the odds of that? Ah well, guess it's time to update and backdate that privacy policy, boys.

The Dave Angle: The alleged dates that NWA was apparently turning over information to the government just so happen to line up with a period of time that I was traveling for work. Not just traveling, mind you, FLYING NORTHWEST AIRLINES. This means that my personal and private information was being sent to fancy research centers where it was fed into powerful anti-terrorism computers and analyzed by super smart anti-terrorism intelligence experts in an attempt to determine whether or not I was a threat to the United States. Spooky, eh? Ten bucks says there was a dashed line connecting me to Osama on some dude's whiteboard somewhere. Those government guys have been trying to nail me for years. Well keep trying, bozos, because you got nothin'!

The Conclusion: Nothing will happen to NWA. They'll continue to abuse anyone and everyone. But at least they're getting some bad press. And at least I'm not a 'perceived' threat.

NWA: CEO unaware feds got data [strib]

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and we're back

Up-north weekend fun agenda recapped for your reading pleasure:

The countdown to next year begins now.

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lator gator me

Off to the great northwoods for some maxin' and relaxin' and some soakin' and some jokin' and some grillin' and some chillin' and some ramblin' and some gamblin' and some walkin' and some talkin' and some rhymin' all the timin'.

Yip yip.

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attention morons

Here are some tips if you're giving a 2-hour persistence framework presentation that I will be attending.

  1. Know what you're talking about.
  2. If you're using your laptop, turn off whatever cutsey theme you've got running. I don't need to see an animated dancing dinosaur every time your computer needs a few minutes to think.
  3. Don't lecture me about how great free (as in beer) software is. Yes, free stuff is good, but I'm not there for a talking-to.
  4. For the love of god, know what you're talking about.
  5. Make sure there enough cookies.

Thank you.

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i vote we call it the 'hi'

With the as-of-now unnamed Hiawatha light rail line opening in a few months, it seems that Governor Pawlenty has had a change of heart about state funding for the Northstar commuter heavy rail line. In a nutshell, he's now for it. He won't really say why he changed his mind, but I suspect that it might be politically motivated. With the Hi predicted to be reasonably popular - even given its stupid route - it makes sense to align oneself with other rail transit options.

To be fair, I'll admit that it's not a complete surprise - as he's always claimed to be 'pro-transportation', whatever that means - but if I hear LtGov Molnau start lobbying for it I'm gonna freak. Not because she's totally flip-flopped on her opinion of the line, but because it can only mean that the line has been rerouted through Chaska. And it'll only carry one person: her. And it'll stop at Starbucks on the way in.

She's such a doof.

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Am I supposed to know who this Ryan Seacrest clown is?

Because I don't.

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Libby has had a cold for maybe the last week or so. It's mostly of the stuffy nose variety.

>sniff<

While I never want Libby to be sick, I don't always mind when it happens because it means we get to eat a lot of soup. And there's nothing wrong with soup. This time we went out for soup twice and I made soup twice. That's like 4 soups. With leftovers, it's probably like 6 soup-based meals. Whoa. Me likey.

Another thing about Libby having a cold is that sometimes when she sleeps her breathing kinda sounds like Darth Vader. Sure, that sounds cute, but you have no idea what it's like to tiptoe into a dark bedroom and worry that you might be climbing into bed with The Dark Lord of the Sith. Mainly because that dude is for sure not gonna want to snuggle no matter how cold it is in here Mister Bigglesworth. Think about it. We're talking about a guy who wears black shinguards ALL THE TIME when HE DOESN'T EVEN PLAY SOCCER. All he's going to be interested in is getting a good night's sleep so he can get up early and start using the force for evil not good.

It is some seriously freaky stuff.

So now I'm wondering: what would Darth Vader sound like if *he* got a cold? (Can he even get a cold?) It seems like he's already pretty much a full-time mouth breather, so my bet is that he would pretty much sound the same. (Especially if he used a breathe-right under his helmet.) That probably works out for him anyways, because if his minions saw that their leader had a cold it might make him seem somehow less all-powerful in their eyes. And if I know one thing, it's that leaders of evil Jedi splinter groups *hate* looking weak in front of the troops.

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i mostly use credit cards

I thought this PDF that shows how some copy machines and scanners know how prevent people from illegally copying money was neat. Turns out that it's just simple geometry involving a bunch of little 1 mm circles arranged in a pattern. The same pattern is used on all kinds of money all over the world.

Here in the US, for example, it's built into the new $20 bill. On the backside, there are a bunch of little yellow '20' symbols that seem randomly placed, but taken by themselves, the '0's create the special pattern that prevents them from being scanned/copied.

Cool, eh?

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Things I've been grooving on as of late:

  • Liquid center chocolate covered cherries clearance priced at $0.25/box.
  • Any informercial for a knife that includes a boot being cut in half to demonstrate how sharp the knife is.
  • Flannel lined pants. (Annual groove.)
  • Pilot G2 07 pens. Black, please.
  • NOVA's Mars landing special(s) on PBS.

I probably missed something in there, but ah well.

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you mean it isn't?

In case you missed the story, some sicko perv masseuse at a local Minneapolis health club got arrested for feeling up one of his female clients the other day. The masseuse dude [apparently] decided he'd rather touch his client's boobs than give her a back rub. He also told her to "ignore what his naughty hand" was doing. Classy.

I'd find it hard to believe you missed the story, though, seeing as it's been breathlessly covered by every major news outlet in the city including live television reports on location at the health club at 6 and 10 DON'T MISS IT! File that one under sensationalistic garbage.

But what I find even harder to believe is that this was the first time Mr. Naughty Hand worked his magic on one of his female clients. After all, he's been working there for like 6 months. And he has smooth lines like "just pretend I'm your boyfriend". There's no way he hasn't tried that stuff before.

So that means that there are either a) a bunch of women in town who have also been victimized by this guy and who will now hopefully come forward to testify against him or b) a bunch of chicks who - like me - figured that getting molested during a massage was just part of the deal or c) a little bit of both.

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back to the future

There was an interesting stat thing in the Sunday Strib's 'By the Numbers' section. It said:

Asked if they could "stop time and live forever in good health at a particular age, what age would you like to live at?", average age given by those age 65 or older: 59

Response of people age 18 to 24: 27

I have no idea where this statistic came from, but I thought it was neat to see how peoples' perspective changes as they grow older. Sure, it's reasonably safe to assume that young people would look ahead and oldies would look back, but who would have thought the oldies would only look back to their late 50's? What's so great about being 59? Is it the golf? The social security? The fact that they can't remember stuff further back than that?

I'm personally a little worried about reaching the point when I suddenly wish it was yesterday. Yesterday I probably said something stupid or acted like a total jackass, so there's no need to relive that, right? And that's not to say that yesterday didn't create a lot of great memories - because it did - it's just not really something I'd want to be Groundhog Day'd into for the rest of my life. At least not yet.

But really who cares. I'm only like halfway to the supposed nirvana and I'm having enough fun now. If it really gets better, well then I guess that's just gravy. Yummy delicious gravy.

Somebody bake me some biscuits.

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those cows have sweet jugs

At the grocery story today I noticed that Kemps has started putting milk in some new fancy type of jug. "Neat", I thought, "I'll try that." Then when I opened the cooler door I noticed that the new fancy jug costs a dollar more than the traditional jugs that are still available way down on the bottom of the milk racks where you'll never see them because the new jugs look so darn fun and they suck you in like a tractor beam just like the marketing weenies hoped they would.

As I grabbed for an old style jug, I bitched to Libby - and I suppose anyone else within earshot - about the dollar upcharge and the sneaky product placement of the newer ones. Libby just rolled her eyes, but this one lady standing near us went back over to the cooler and switched her new jug for an old one.

Score one for the loudmouthed jackass.

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ow, my freakin' eyes

Last winter I got decked in broomball and my glasses got all bent up. I was pissed mainly because it was a cheap shot but I suppose also a little bit because it was a girl who hit me. The best part was when I started trash talking her about it, she said, "Well that's what you get for wearing such elegant glasses!"

Elegant? That was a first. But anyways.

At the time, my company had just introduced some fancy new vision benefit, so I declared right then and there that it was time for some new not-bent glasses and a pair of contacts to wear when I play sports and/or need to look extra hot (because guys with glasses aren't hot, 'natch.) That was like mid-January 2003.

Fast forward to today - basically 12 months later - and I'm proud to say I finally got my shit together enough to go buy some new eyewear. As promised, this included both glasses and contacts. Wee!

Other than the fact that they're not bent, my new glasses look pretty much the same as my old ones. They also have the same prescription as my old ones, which came as a surprise to me because I've been having some trouble seeing lately. Turns out my old ones are just so scratched and dirty I only think my eyes have gotten worse. Huh.

I had to go in and take a class on how to put the contacts in. It sucked. I remember hearing horror stories from my friends in junior high about how they had to get up 2 hours early so they'd have enough time to get them in before the bus came, so I probably went in with the wrong attitude, but I can't see it being fun for anyone. When it was over it looked like I'd gotten beat up. By a girl. At least the dude who helped me was patient.

Broomball starts Wednesday. Here's hoping I get decked right away.

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Here are my 12th annual Best and Worst of the Year Awards for 2003. As always, they are limited in scope by what I could think of when I wrote this out.

Movie of the Year - I didn't see Two Towers until this year, so that would probably be my winner. If that doesn't count - because it came out in 2002 - then I'd maybe have to say Maxtrix Reloaded or whatever the second one was called. I'm guessing I probably also would have liked Lost in Translation, but I didn't see it, so I guess it can't win.

Guilty Pleasure of the Year - Justin Timberlake's Justified album. Except for the third of the album that totally sucks, that thing just ruled. Fat fun and funky. I knew I was in too deep when I got pissed that 'Seniorita' got released as a single. That was *my* song!

Phrase of the Year (Cockney Accent) - "Bloody Good Show". When you're pregnant and you take pregnancy classes about being pregnant and having babies, you're repeatedly exposed to the term 'bloody show'. If you're my wife, you're repeatedly exposed to the cockney phrase 'Bluh-ee Good Show!' Jesus. I even annoyed myself by the end.

Phrase of the Year (American Accent) - "You just wait" and "Oh, you'll see" [tie]. By the time the kid finally got here, I was prepared for the absolute worst: sleepless nights, never leaving the house, generally kissing my old life goodbye. Breathless hyperbole, all of it.

Lowpoint of the Year - Licking gravy off the television remote control after I dropped it on my plate while eating dinner in front of the TV. In my defense, it was really good gravy, but still, it's pretty sad.

Drink of the Year - Stella Artois. It's Belgian and I've only been able to find it in sixers, but it's good.

Dork of the Year - Anyone who participated in a 'flash mob'. Simple as that.

Concert of the Year - I'll go with Phish 7/19 at Alpine. Great music, great weather, and a prego wife dancing like a maniac. How fun is that? Runner up would probably be Wilco 6/13 at the Sculpture Garden.

Annoyance of the Year - Apostrophe misuse. Now I'm no grammar nazi, but this year it seems like apostrophe misuse got kicked up a notch bam. Usually in the case of plurality. Example: "These cookie's are hella good!" Please stop.

Program of the Year - Mozilla Firebird. Best. Browser. Ever. Quit being a Microsoft tool and install it. Then say hello to tabbed browsing and goodbye to pop-up ads. Me likey.

3M Product of the Year - Duct tape. I sealed my house with plastic and duct tape as soon as the government told us to do so. It was a real pleasure to work with.

Steering Technique of the Year - The controlled slip. Sure, it's arguably less safe, but in our world of Orange Alerts, I say live a little and let the wheel slide.

Uhh, ok, that's probably enough.

Here's to 2004. I'm ready to continue kicking ass day in and day out except for the occasional day off.

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hap.....ee new year

It's 2004. I went to the party intending to kiss everyone in the room, but I ended up just kissing Libby and Borly. I guess if I had to pick only two...

Hope y'all had fun, too.

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