doodledee

So today I was talking to this dude at work and he was all pee-your-pants-giddy because he'd seen the new 'Passion of Christ' movie over the weekend and he wanted to know if I had seen it, too. ("Come on, dude, it was *way* more violent than Blade Runner, seriously.")

I told him that of course I hadn't seen it because I spent the weekend chipping ice off my driveway and trying to decode the crazy abstraction that is UCCNet and because, in reality, I wasn't really all that interested in seeing it.

And that's when it hit me.

I bet a lot of us not-interested people would enjoy a movie like the Passion more if we could have a few drinks beforehand. After all, nothing gets me belly-laughing after a couple of beers more than a super-realistic crucifixion recreated on the big screen. Wee!

And that's when I invented the concept-but-not-the-rules for the Non-Gibson-Authorized Passion of Christ Drinking Game. I'm a genius. An offensive genius, yes, but a genius nevertheless.

Later, I sat down and tried to enumerate the rules. Because I haven't actually seen the movie - though I have seen plenty of other Quentin Tarantino flicks - most of the rules were speculative and/or based on things I can only speculate might happen during a showing. I started with things like "if the movie is a sell out, take a drink" and "if some moron brings a child under 10, take a drink" and "if some other moron whistles at Mary Magdaeine, take a drink".

I stopped making up rules pretty soon after that. Partly because I got bored with the idea, but mostly because I came to the realization that there was no way that a showing of the Passion wouldn't include 80% of the audience discussing 'The DaVinci Code' before the lights went down and the previews started. And if that isn't a drink-and-keep-drinking type of situation, I don't know what is.

Game over.