doodledee

Brace yourself, people, because the cavalcade of dumbass television business stories has reached a fever pitch! I feel so alive!

The current banner headline is that EchoStar - also known as Dish Network by most everyone on the planet but who for some reason still goes by EchoStar in the business pages - followed through with their threat to stick it to Viacom and stop carrying CBS and a bunch of other Viacom properties like Mtv and Comedy Central. Their reason for doing so is based on a "disagreement" with Viacom over channel line-ups and fees and other stuff that only grown-ups understand. My interpretation is that Viacom is trying to force EchoStar to carry some new sucky channels that nobody watches yet because they're too new and too sucky and - go figure - EchoStar isn't thrilled with carrying and/or paying for them. My understanding is also that EchoStar is behaving like a 3rd grader.

But really, who cares about the details. What really matters is that if you're an EchoStar subscriber and you call to complain about how mad you are that you don't get the South Park and The Real World anymore, the prerecorded message instructs you to CALL VIACOM'S CEO AT HOME and ask him what happened to your channels. And just in case you don't have the number, THE RECORDING GIVES IT TO YOU.

That rules so much.

And then there's the whole Victory Sports Network deal. It's the brainchild of famous Twin Cities area geezer/pauper Carl Pohlad, who decided that the best way to make more money off the Twins would be by starting his own television network and extorting a bunch of distribution fees from local cable operators. Whoops! The cable companies balked at his list of demands. And whoops again! His winter ace-in-the-hole Gopher Hoops squad laid a huge egg.

So now it's spring training and nobody has the network and Carl is sweating the media blitz is cranked up to 11. Radio and television [huh?] ads feature Twins players saying that if we don't all cough up the $4/mo Polad wants that the Twins are gonna lose tons of games and then they'll be contracted because we'll lose so much and COME ON the Yankees have their own station and it makes a ton of money and look they got ARod so please please please call your cable company and beg them to "take one for the team". Please?

Boo Twins. That is so weak.

Maybe I should call Carl at home and tell him how I feel. You think Time Warner would give me his number?

Viacom Press Release on EchoStar Situation [viacom]
EchoStar Drops CBS Stations [myway]
Twins 2004 TV Schedule [mlb]
racketeering [dictionary]