doodledee

Another trip to Kansas City and another near strip-search of terrorist suspect Dave by the TSA storm troopers at the airport. I am now 3 for 3 in the last 6 weeks. Apparently something about my dress or behavior or attitude sets off profile-based alarms with people in Missouri. Or is it Kansas? I forget.

This time I had to wait for a few minutes in the Designated Suspect Area for one of the Extreme Screeners to become available. While waiting, I talked up one of the guard ladies in an attempt to find out what specifically it was about me that was deemed so threatening.

"It's my smart mouth, isn't it?" I asked, going with my traditional Charming Jackass persona.

"The details of our screening process are available on the TSA website. That is all I'm allowed to say," she replied.

"Come on, you're just sticking it to me because I bitched about having to take my shoes off, I know how you people operate."

"The details of our screening process are available on the TSA website. That is all I'm allowed to say," she replied."

"Yeah, that's what I've heard."

And so I gave up.

But I still want to know.

Passenger Security Checkpoints [tsa]

I've been laughing about this Applebee's guidance for two days:

The company provided guidance for the second quarter of 2004 and updated its guidance for fiscal year 2004:

-- Diluted earnings per share for the second quarter are expected to be $0.33 to $0.34, including the after-tax inventory charge of approximately $0.02 per share.

-- The company will record a pre-tax charge of $2.3 million for the write-off of excess riblets inventory ...

Ha! $2.3MM worth of riblets.

Riblets.

Rib. Lets.

That's funny.

Applebee's Reports June Sales; Provides 2nd Qtr Earnings Guidance [bw]

Please, please say I didn't just see Ben Affleck on CNN doing post-game commentary live from the Democratic National Convention alongside a bunch of traditional reporterwonks who live and breathe and eat stuff like this. I mean dude, seriously, Chasing Amy was so good it's almost a personal desert island pick of mine, but watching you sit there wearing your little Madonna headset mic, using words like 'acrimonious', it just seemed... well, it just seemed like it blurred the line between information and infotainment an eensy weensy bit too much. And I've been infortained a lot in my day, so that should say something.

I wonder who the GOP will haul out as their convention celebrity spokesperson.

(And yes, it was actually last night that Affleck was on. Whatever.)

Larry King Live Transcript - 7/27/04 [cnn]
Chasing Amy [imdb]

Food related issues that have been bugging me lately:

1. Why is it that no matter how many gajillion watts your toaster is, it *always* takes two toastings to make an english muffin? I bet if you bought an old Soviet blast furnace on Ebay and converted it into a regulation kitchen toaster that it would still turn out pale, limp muffins after one toasting and perfectly brown, crispy ones after two. Science community, I demand an explanation.
2. I think it's about time for Act III popcorn. Sure, Act II is good - in a 'nasty ass chemical aftertaste but I'll eat it if I'm hungry enough' kinda way - but it's been around for soooo long. It's time to move on. It's time for Act III.
3. It happens every summer, and I know it sounds crazy, but I'm kinda getting sick of grilled hot dogs. Twelve or so weeks in a row of post-softball cook-outs have burned me out. Note that the same logic does not apply to the beer cooler that accompanies the dogs, however.

I should have known that as soon as I left town the Minneapolis City Council would spring into action and pass Falguni's Law, effectively banning smoking within 9000 feet of any building with a roof. It's not like I was gonna go down there and watch them vote or anything, it's just that now I've gotta dig through 3 days worth of newspapers to get the scoop. I'm so lame and behind the times. Again.

From reading, it sounds like there were some last minute attempts to compromise and allow establishments that serve mostly alcohol (often called "bars") to let their patrons continue to smoke, but those amendments all went up in, umm, yeah. I'm kinda surprised it ended up all or nothing like it did; some of the compromises seemed pretty reasonable. And that's coming from someone who's hardly a fan of smoking and who will in some cases switch tables to get away from an especially noxious section.

I'll be interested to go to a show at First Avenue next summer - assuming it's still a music venue - and see if people are actually adhering to the new law. I kinda hope they do, but not because I find the smoke at concert-bars to be offensive. I hope they do because that way I won't have to strain to hear the music over all the people bitching about the renegade smokers in the room.

Smoking ban passes in Minneapolis [strib]

Good times had by all.

West End of Lake Vermillion [terraserver]

• Dig out your Polaris team jacket, pants, gloves and helmet and head over to the fairgrounds to party with the thousands of other people in matching outfits helping to celebrate the company's 50th Anniversary on Saturday.
• Print out a scented resume and head downtown to the Grand Hotel and audition for The Apprentice 2 on Saturday. Watch out for falling plaster and bitchy chicks with agendas.
• Lumberjack Days in Stillwater celebrates the city's historic ties to lumber milling with 2 days of sun and fun and rib fest reject bands. Get there early if you plan on getting one of the 35 parking spots within the city limits.
• Screw all that stuff and drive up north to beautiful Lake Vermillion for some northwoods relaxation time. It's okay to leave, the Tour is basically over.

I did a marathon day of a down-and-back trip to Kansas City yesterday. I'm thinking I'll have a few more in the next couple of weeks. With a little bit of luck, I'll eventually have time to hit most of the big name barbeque places. With a little bit more luck, it won't be 140 degrees every time I'm there.

On the flight back, I fell asleep right after they came around with the free drink service. There were only maybe 10 of us on the plane, so OF COURSE this was the one time they just handed out whole cans of pop instead of the standard 2.5 ounce glass packed with ice that you normally get. When I woke up later and saw the can sitting there, opened but untouched, I kinda felt guilty for not drinking it so I started gulping it down even though I wasn't all that thirsty. I got about 2/3 down before they came around for the final trash pick-up. I thought that was good enough.

Kansas City Barbeque Reviews [gasbbq]

Today on the way back from lunch we got to see the aftermath of a bitchin' truck accident. Some dude driving a refrigerated semi full of cherries cut the corner too sharply and caught his trailer on a power pole. It ripped open the side of his truck pretty good - though not good enough to flood the street with free bings, unfortunately - and, as a bonus, the collision also managed to bring downtown light rail service to a halt.

Non-stop truck bashing action, action, action!!

Light-rail service disrupted after truck hits pole [strib]
A funny thing happened on the way back from lunch [lookingawry]

Libby has a laptop now. It's sweet. Sweet as in better than mine in just enough ways that I'm almost-but-not-quite jealous. Kind of like how I feel about people who have satellite dishes. Sure, a lot of the time they're better than cable, but I'm still fine with what I've got, thankyouverymuch.

Anyway, tonight I needed to get some work done and seeing as it was much cooler on the porch, I went out there and sat in the comfy chair and put my feet up and enjoyed the semi-modern convenience that is wireless networking. (I say semi-modern because we're still on old-skool 802.11b.) Apparently immune to the heat, Libby just sat down at the dining room table and fired-up her machine right there.

His and hers never felt so liberating.

Then I sent her an instant message. At the time, I could see her through the window and we were no less than 20 feet apart. I would have only needed to slightly raise my voice to be heard. Doing so would probably have woken up the kid, sure, but that's not the point. The point is that intra-house messaging seemed okay when one of us was working on the computer in the basement and the other was upstairs, but I gotta admit that tonight I felt like I crossed some sort of bizarro geek line that maybe is better left uncrossed.

Unless you really really really need a refill and you know that she's way closer to the fridge than you are. In that case it's totally legit.

I think I perfected my homemade frozen mudslide recipe after literally only two tries. How frickin lucky is that?

Here's what I do:

Ingredients

• 1 shot Kahlua
• 1 shot Vodka
• 1 shot Bailey's
• bunch of ice
• scoop of vanilla ice cream
• squirt of chocolate syrup

How To

1. Put everything but the ice cream and the chocolate syrup in a blender. Run it and run it and run it until the ice cubes are chopped up. Some blenders are probably better at this than my crappy one is, but yours may not be, so be patient. In mine, the cubes spend a lot of time kind of skipping off the blades and avoiding being chopped. I have to do a lot of pulsing and stuff to make it work. Stupid blender.


2. Add remaining ingredients and blend for like 15 seconds or so, until the ice cream gets all smooth and milkshakey.


3. Serve in frozen glass(es).

We went to the wedding of Mr. and Dr. Dowma on Friday night. It was fun, as I find most weddings to be.

At the reception we were as assigned-seated at a table with a bunch of people who had flown in from San Francisco. Most of them had slung code with Dowma back during the bubble. They were a total hoot. And amazingly, they were all gainfully employed technologists, though obviously not at the same place they were working 4 years ago. I mean seriously, only a total idiot would still be clinging to the fake safety of his/her pre-boom job. The internet is dead, long live the internet.

Anyway.

Something was jacked-up with the A/C in the reception hall and - according to the unsociable yet polite staff - it was only operable in two modes: 'off' and 'tundra'. Being July in Minnesota, 'off' wasn't really an option, so they cranked it up and in short order chilled the room down to about 45 degrees. Cold, yes, but it was hardly an evening wrecker, as it gave me the chance to exercise my gentlemanly mojo by sharing my suit jacket with several shivering cocktail dress wearing ladies in the room. Ladies, you're welcome. And for those of you who took a raincheck on the slow-dance offer, just a reminder: those things do have an expiration date. And after checking with Libby, I found out it was yesterday. Curses.

Speaking of Libby, I'd like to rewind to the churchy portion of the program. During the sermon thing, the reverend dude broke out some schpeil about how anyone who has been married for more than 10 minutes will tell you that a marriage has good days and bad days. (Genius!) Well that got me to thinking about my marriage, though strangely not at all in the context in which he was sermonizing. Instead, I started to think of things about Libby that have surprised me in the 10+ minutes we've been together.

Well, after spending the better portion of a day chewing it over, I've settled on what is unquestionably my biggest post-marriage Libby surprise.

She won't give high-fives.

"They're a stupid guy thing," is what she usually offers by way of an explanation.

"Well sure they are! And I'm a stupid guy! So what's the problem?!" is my usual comeback, delivered more often than not with my hand raised in the air, braced for contact, as though this time she might actually think the killer Captain Crunch coupon I just clipped deserves recognition by hand slap. But alas.

I can't even begin to count the number of times I've been left hanging over the years. It's gotta be like a million by now. And I'm still surprised each and every time.

• Head down to the Twin Cities' first Ikea store and stand in line the with thousands of other rubes waiting to buy mid-priced Scandinavian furniture. It's as big as 10 Wal-Mart stores, but heads-up, it has way less NASCAR junk.
• Plug in and jam with aging Brit rocker Graham Parker on the rooftop of Brit's. I haven't heard anything he's done lately, but I used to really dig him. He's either as good as he ever was or he's old and kind of sad.
• Skip out of work and go home and watch OLN's replay of Frenchman Richard Virenque turning some serious cranks as he kicks everyone else's ass on the first mountainous stage of the Tour. Then watch it again on the replay-replay. Then watch the primetime coverage. Then maybe the primetime replay. OK, that'll probably be enough.
• Head downtown and try and find a parking place amongst the bajillions of Lindsey Whalen fans showing up to watch her play our local WNBA team (yes, we still have one). It's still good we didn't mortgage the future of the franchise to get her in the draft, right?
• Go watch Team Yep play softball. That'd probably be my 2nd or 3rd choice, too, so don't feel bad about going with something else.

Saturday night was DDowma's bachelor party. It was lame, but I still had fun and I was glad both that I went and that I wasn't the one who had planned it. I drank moderately enough - alternating between beer and mojitos, oops - and then on the way home we all stopped off at the White Castle and I downed probably 3 more sliders than I should have seeing as I was 2/3 drunk and already running a mild case of slumber party tummy. Disaster.recipeFor();

Surprise! 5:30 in the morning rolls around and I find myself on the floor of the bathroom, groaning and sweating and trying with all my might not to think about food. (Sorry ladies, I'm spoken for.) There's a massive thunderstorm going on, and the cool storm air wooshing in through the open window feels kinda good, so I stand up and mash my face against the screen and breathe deeply and continue trying not to think about food.

And that's when I notice these two giant raccoons sitting on top our garbage can stuffing their faces with our trash. How they jumped up on a 5-foot high garbage can, I have no idea. Can raccoons really jump that high? I suppose they could have been wearing little raccoon stilts or something, but I didn't notice anything. Maybe they were stealth stilts.

So here I am, a wreck of a shell of a man, watching some lesser species consume my trash, and that's when I think to myself "I think a larger font and a more narrow layout might be neat to try. And I think I'm gonna stick with the inline pictures for now, too."

I was eating bratwurst by dinner.

Last Friday I went down to the late night portion of the 24 Hours of Music event that the Minneapolis Orchestra has used to kick-off their Sommerfest season for the last couple of years. It's this deal where a bunch of different bands play a bunch of different types of music on a bunch of different stages from noon one day through noon the next. It's quite the eclectic mix of genres with rock, folk, classical, and the predictable middle-of-the-night jazz/blues space-out session just to name a few. I think there's even a trombone choir or something. Not sure what that's about.

It was a mint night out weather wise, which translated into big crowds for the both the shows outside on Peavey Plaza and the shows inside Orchestra Hall proper. Given the festive atmosphere, I was a little surprised at how mellow everyone was. I chalked that up to the older skewing audience and the hella expensive beers. It did get a little rowdy when the Basilica Block Party ended and the younger crowd migrated through, but nothing ridiculous or anything. Nice and smooth and laid back all around.

I was mainly there for the fancy indoor acoustic sets by Gary Louris (Jayhawks), Adam Levy (Honeydogs) and Brenda Weiler (uhh), but I got there early enough to watch the back half of Olympic Hopefuls' main-stage set and the first few songs of Haley Bonar before I went inside to find a seat. Can't argue with any of it.

Minnesota Orchestra Sommerfest Schedule [minnesotaorchestra]

The word of the day is clown, though not in the context in which you're probably familiar. Now clown has been extended to become a unit of measure. Hooray for new units of measure!

clown (kloun)
n. clowns

1. A coarse, rude, vulgar person; a boor.


2. A peasant; a rustic


3. Unit of Measure A collection of two or more goons. (eg. Last week I was hanging out with a clown of goons.)

Credit: Grossie

List of collective nouns for non-human mammals [brainyencyclopedia]

Today for lunch, a group of us jumped on the light rail and headed down to 42nd Street South for some Chicago dogs at Joey D's. (Yet another reason I'm pro-light rail - quick access to Vienna Beef products.) It was my first trip on the train and my conclusion is that it is totally mint. It's clean and it's fast and it's easy and I wish it was a lot closer to where I live. The only odd part - which I had read about - is how the trains are based on a pseudo-honor system where riders buy a ticket and get on, but there aren't any turnstiles or anything, so they just kind of 'trust' that you'll pay. And they enforce that trust by having TWO COPS WITH GUNS go around and ask to see your ticket, Bejebus! That's a lot of firepower! Here's my $1.25, please don't shoot me.

The food at Joey D's was as good - if not better and more expensive- than I remember it. I haven't been in a couple of years at least, but I used to go like every week with the guys I worked with at the U. Outdoor seating on a gorgeous day, Italian beef sandwiches, Chicago dogs, surprisingly good onion rings, and fresh, hot, forgettable fries. Can't argue with that.

MetCouncil's LRT page [metrocouncil]
Joey D's [citysearch]

When I rolled my cable back to the super-basic-12-real-channels-and-13-government-access-ones package after the Twolves' playoff exit, I always figured I'd end up bumping it back to 'standard' once the Tour de France started so I could see the coverage on OLN. Well, the race started last week and I'm still waiting for my service to be 'upgraded'. And don't think I just called this morning or something, I called 2 DAYS in advance of the race. But I guess they have to come out to the pole or something, so whatever, that'll happen on Friday between 12 and 4 and I will do a little happy dance when it does.

In the meantime I've been stuck listening to the audio feeds over the web. A bunch of us at the office normally do that anyway, but it's not the same when you can't come home and watch the replay at night. *sigh* Big ups to Colin for taping the cobbles section from yesterday's stage and bringing it in for me. Now if I could just find my VCR I'd watch it over and over again.

To be fair, I did catch the prologue at Libby's parent's house while we were down in Rochester last Saturday. Her mom declared it "more boring than golf". For proof she added, "Look, they're just showing that guys butt as he peddles! That's stupid!"

I'd never really thought of it that way.

OLN's Tour site [olntv]
Yahoo UK Tour site [y!]
A pretty good Tour blog [tdfblog]

The other day I came home from work and found a rolled-up note rubberbanded to the handle of the porch door. I figured it was just another ad for tree trimming or lawn mowing or gutter cleaning or what have you, but when I unrolled it I saw that it was actually a bit of neighborhood news. Flash! The Morningside Neighborhood Association had issued a call to arms over some [apparently] unpalatable redevelopment plans for the 44th and France commercial area. Flash! Could there be real activism bubbling in the hood? Wee! Flash!

According to the propaganda sheet, the redevelopment would involve tearing down a bunch of buildings and removing 9 private homes through eminent domain. Ouch. In their place, a bunch of new retail/office type stuff would be built along with some new surface parking and a - brace yourself - 'mutlifamily' housing unit. Uh oh.

The letter urged us all to head down to City Hall and voice our opinions about the plan at the next City Council meeting. I talked with some of the neighbors and nobody seemed to know the whole story, so I penciled in the date on my calendar and planned for an early dinner.

Well the meeting was tonight. And before I get into the details, let me start by saying that our new City Hall rocks. Big ass plasma screen TVs, comfy chairs, great parking, the whole bit. I seriously want to get arrested just to see how nice the jail is. I bet each cell has digital cable. And a french press coffee maker. And super high thread count sheets.

But I digress.

The place was packed. The mayor said it was a record attendance for a council meeting and I'd be inclined to believe him. Standing room only and overflow in the lobby. It was no secret why we were all there, so after some administrivia, the agenda was reworked and we jumped right to the Public Bitchfest. Before he let anyone speak, however, the mayor said a few things to baseline the discussion. He started by saying that just because the city has this plan on the books doesn't mean that any developer is looking to implement it. In reality, the plan has been around for 15 years and nobody has ever expressed any large-scale interest at all. "Huh," I think. And even if a developer did want to do something, it's not like they could just walk in and fill out a form and start knocking shit down that afternoon. There would be *tons* of public involvment in something like that. "Uhh," I think.

Then he says that in the last 25 years the city of Edina has only taken one house by eminent domain / condemnation and it was because the homeowner asked them to for some crazy tax purposes. Furthermore, the city has no plans to take any more houses ever. "Huh again," I think. Then he says a couple more things that seem super reasonable and responsible and that's when I kind of go, "Why the hell am I here? Where's the threat to the community again? Is that a wolf I hear crying?"

But whatever, I sat there for 90 or so minutes and listened to people rage about how dumb it'd be to tear down a bunch of nice old houses to build an "office building" even though a) nobody was suggesting anything of the sort and b) it was obvious that everyone on the council agreed with what was being said. But hey, people had prepared some pretty nice little speeches and they were gonna give them regardless of the situation. Yawn.

The meeting wasn't without highlights, though. My favorite part was when my commie neighbor Mike got up and went off about how he doesn't want them to tear down a bunch of houses to make way for a Starbucks and a Big Bowl. I almost stood up and clapped, but I didn't want to encourage anyone else to talk. After the meeting, he was like a rock star. Huge crowds trying to shake his hand and tell him he rules. I just winked at him on my way out, comfortable in my knowledge that I knew him before he was famous.

I could go on a lot longer but I think that's probably enough. It was good to see everyone so organized and all, but I hate the fact that it was for a fake cause. I'll just leave it at that.

• The 2004 strawberries have been picked and the 2004 jam has been made and all is right with the 2004 universe. We still have an insane number of berries left even after jamming x 3 and making a batch of strawberry waffles with strawberry syrup for breakfast one day. It's called self control and I should look into it.
• We stayed in town for the fourth this year. First time in a long time, but we've been traveling the last few weekends and we were ready for a break. We declared it a chore-free day and just soaked up the beautiful weather and took it easy: down to the farmers market, a walk around Harriet, and then our own little cook-out for dinner. It's lettuce and snow pea season and that's just fine by me. With a big ass 4th of July steak on the side, obvs.
• Some new fresh-faced young blonde Russian chick saw her shadow won at Wimbleton over the weekend. Now I'm no meteorologist, but I'm pretty sure that means 6 more years of dudes who don't follow tennis emailing pictures of a female tennis player to each other. File under: Same as it ever was.

We got a new box fan at Target the other day. The old one was super dirty and kind of half broken so it needed to be replaced. The new one is nice and clean, but it's got these little propeller-style fan blades so when it's running it sounds like the Red Baron is flying through our living room.

Seriously, who designs this stuff? People with ear protection, that's who.

The long talked about surge of Hmong refugees have started to arrive in Minnesota. Over the next year or so, upwards of 5,000 people will be moving from camps in Thailand to join their relatives living here in Minnesota. Of those, 60% will be under 18 and 90% will be settling in Hennepin or Ramsey County.

It's somewhat of a controversial issue because all those refugees are going to stress out existing public assistance programs. Most of them don't speak English, most of the kids have never gone to school, and most of the adults aren't educated. Sounds spendy, eh?

Sure it's expensive. That's why TPaw has been crying his eyes out to anyone who will listen about how since the Federal Government is in charge of immigration - and were therefore the ones who approved the refugee's move to Minnesota - that the Federal Government should be paying the bill to help settle them here. In the meantime, Dayton and Coleman are fighting the good fight in DC, too.

The Feds had already committed $19MM and last week promised another $3.3MM. According to Minnesota public assistance groups, however, that's still not enough. And while I'll give them the benefit of the doubt, that doesn't mean I won't read their numbers.

Hennepin County, which is expecting about 35% of the immigrants, released these estimates the other day:

The county estimated that about 30 percent of the families will need subsidized day care while they attend language training school or work and that the public will spend $1.2 million for child care during the first year in Hennepin County.

Minneapolis schools expect 700 new Hmong students, and although the state and federal government will cover most of the $2.5 million in annual costs, local costs will be about $500,000, the report said.

County costs for adult English language education are estimated to be $2.25 million.

Other estimated first-year county costs include $600,000 for job training, $165,000 for mental health screening, $80,000 for socialization programs, $120,000 for outreach and mental health treatment, and $137,000 for emergency shelter services.

The report also said that an "outpouring" of volunteer contributions has helped to keep the county's costs down. Human Services estimated that local costs would be another $20 million or more if not for the volunteer services.

So factoring in the "outpouring of contributions", Hennepin County alone is predicting they will need like $27.5MM to handle refugee resettlement issues just in the next year. And that's to handle the 35% of the 5,000 that experts are predicting they'll get, which is like 1800 people. Quick math... Ok, that nets out to like $15,000 / immigrant. For a family of four refugees, that's $60,000/yr in assistance. I'm not saying the numbers are wrong or anything, but I am saying HOLY CRAP that's a lot of money.

Now the best part. TPaw was on MPR yesterday bitching up a storm about how he shouldn't have to raise taxes to support the immigrants. "The Feds just aren't giving us enough money, we've gotta figure out how to help these people, why should the Good People of Minnesota be expected to shoulder all this burden, it's just not fair, waaaaaa waaaaa!!!!" It's a reasonable point, made even easier to swallow if you're not into that whole "being kind" and "helping people" thing.

The host followed-up Pawlenty's rant by asking if he thought the State should kick in some more help to the cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, seeing as they're where most of the refugees are settling and that they'll be the ones who have their assistance programs stressed the most. Suddenly it's all NO WAY, JOSE! They'll just have to make do with what they've got! We're out of money! Screw them! Build a stadium! Keep homos from marrying! Blow up light rail!

Great stuff.

Personally I'm hoping for some really bitchin' new Thai restaurants.

$7.5 million sought to help Hmong [strib]
Feds promising more refugee aid [tc]