doodledee

It's that time of year again. Buckle up for my 76th annual Best and Worst Awards.

• Movie of the Year - I saw like maybe 3 movies last year and I can't even remember what they were other than the one where the dude eats every meal at McDonald's for like a month and almost dies. And that would so obviously win my award even if I had seen a million other shows that it's not even worth discussing it any further. Kudos to that dude.
• Album of the Year - Yeah, I know that one song is on the radio and it's probably not cool to like them now that they've sold out, but Modest Mouse's Good News for People Who Like Bad News has survived many a rotation in my changer and continues to kick more ass every time I listen to it. Honorable mention goes to Spaghetti Western's debut Do Right By People, an album that I'd like to pretend is the soundtrack of my life.
• Hat of the Year - The stocking cap. Honorable mention: the visor.
• Column of the Year [newspaper/magazine] - The new Consumed column in the New York Times Magazine was an awesome new arrival and quickly made my must-read list. Each week it selects an item that's risen to prominence in our consumption-obsessed culture and discusses what it means in a larger, socieital context. Stuff like why it's suddenly ok for everyone to go out and spend $600 on a household vacuum cleaner. I love that crap.
• Party Accessory of the Year - The 11.5 gram clay poker chip. True, I never win anything, but all those fancy chips made it fun to play cards again. Word is that the monthly tournament I semi-monthly play in is going no-limit right from the first deal in 2005. I should last a cool 10 minutes.
• Free Software of the Year - Google bought Picasa and started giving it away and that's just mint.
• Annoyance of the Year - Without question, that stupes song Hey Ya! Sure, everybody liked it the first time they heard it, but by the end of spring I'd been force fed it so often I felt like I'd been violated. How those two dudes kept singing it over and over again I'll never know. It's called dignity, and they lost it almost immediately. Ow, my freakin' ears.
• Personal Doof Moment of the Year - It was a close game deep into the softball playoffs and I was coaching 3rd base. The play unfolds like this: Kate is on second, and the next batter grounds one to left field. The other team has a female playing in left and the ball kind of took a little hop so I wave Kate home thinking there's no chance at a play. Well it turns out the chick in left is some sort of softball demigod and she ropes one to home that beats Kate by a good 2 strides. My doof coaching killed our rally and gave Kate an excuse to not speak to me for another 5 years. Kudos to me. (Good note: KC won the game for us in the next inning, 'natch. As if there was ever really any doubt.)
• Doofs of the Year [collective] - All the self-proclaimed geniuses blabbering on about the 'inevitable' October Surprise who later had to eat their hats when nothing happened. My personal shout-out goes to that Boondocks guy for his (mid-spring?) in-comic prediction of a bin-Laden capture right before the election. Holla! Honorable mention: all bloggers everywhere.
• More of the Same Award - Guess what? There are hurricanes in Florida. Thanks!
• Parking Nightmare of the Year - The parking for the second night Phish show at Alpine was insane. Literally dozens and dozens of rows of cars parked door-to-door and bumper-to-bumper. According to reports on the ineterweb, many people didn't get out until well after sunrise the next day. We got there early enough to be parked 'normally' and ran like antelopes to our car after the show. Total exit time: 4 minutes.
• Nickname of the Year - I still can't stop saying 'Thorpedo'. I think I may be the only one, though.

Thanks to all the presenters. You can pick up your gift baskets out back by the birdfeeders.