doodledee

I always feel bad for those people they show on the news who were hit by a car or hurt in a boating accident or something when the only picture of the 'victim' is some horrible out of date, out of focus polaroid that a neighbor found in their junk drawer. That's why I spent the last 6 minutes looking through our family photos in order to pre-select an 'official' photo that should be used in the event that the media needs one.

So here it is. Enjoy it, you media jackals.

Here are some things that surprised in the last 24 hours:

• The realization that we actually are going to use the entire 10000 pack of diapers we bought at Costco even though when we bought it I said that our kid would have to wear them until he was 16 in order to do so. My estimates were apparently off. Funny how that works.
• Tonight I came home and found that Libby had made some kind of crazy new hybrid cake/bar thing that has dates and chocolate chips and a crunchy topping and is generally awesome. I've had three properly portioned pieces already this evening. And by "properly portioned" I mean "ridiculously large". Recipe available upon request.
• How bad that PBS special 'Minnesota - History of the Land' turned out to be. (Alternate title: "Minnesota - Ruined Forever".) It was basically a 4-hour recap of everything bad anyone has ever done to the Minnesota environment, accompanied by a depressing, down-tempo Peter Ostroushko mandolin soundtrack. By the end of the second night I was so disinterested that I couldn't even get worked-up when they went off about how the suburbs are ruining the universe. Eh.
• While browsing the new iPods over at the Apple Store today (total iPod shopping time to date: 26 months), I noticed a link to the special 'educational pricing' section. Curious as to what the new discounted edu prices would be, I keyed in that I went to the U and hit the 'continue' button. The Apple site redirected me to some horribly designed internal U site that asked me to login before I could shop, which I was able to do because - get this - I *totally* remembered my old university username and password (last used circa 1998) and - you guessed it - for some crazy reason my account is still active. Huh?

So I'm paying bills tonight and I notice yet another new long distance charge on my bill from Qwest. Turns out now they charge you $2.99 for just having long distance service even if you don't use it, which we don't, and you probably know that because I've talked about it a couple of times before. You may or may not remember that the reason we use Qwest as a provider is that their $1/mo plan was the cheapest plan I could find and that - according to Qwest - I *had* to have a long distance service even though I don't want it. The whole issue is just stupes.

I debate for a minute and decide that it's worth a quick (ha!) call to Qwest to see what's up with the new charges and to see if I can get onto a different plan that doesn't extort a $3 monthly fee. And HOLY CRAP did everything go well. First, the lady on the phone knew everything and GET THIS it turns out you *don't* have to have a long distance provider if you don't want one. So of course I said "turn that mutha off" and she said "holla!" and I said "woo hoo" and then she said "there'll be a $5 service fee" and I said "guh?" and she said "yep" and I said "that seems lame, I'm just turning it off" and she said "yeah, it kind of is, I'll credit your account $5" and I said "holla!".

Then I asked about bumping-up my DSL speed because I'm getting tired of lagging behind the blistering cable modem speeds they seem to be basically giving away these days and she says that now they offer 1.5Mbs for the same price as my kicked-ass-in-1999 640Kbs line. And then she put in the work order and said that by next Monday I'll be surfing like it's 2002 all over again.

And that's when I decided to take back most of what I've said about the phone company. For now.

i'm sorry, your bill cannot be paid as dialed [doodledee]
thank you sir, may i have another [doodledee]

The Flops delivered as promised last night, retiring their Shakespearean hits one after the other in front of a typically eager crowd. My highlights were the closing Jill Can Drive and the mid-show kinda half jammed-out Toolmaster. Fun stuff.

There were hints that they'd be back in the fall - perhaps with a new album, even? - but I won't be holding my breath.

• Grab your pit pass and head down to the metrodome for another visit from the big trucks of the Monster Jam circuit. Seriously, it rules. Except for the parts between the monster truck races where they bring out a couple of doofs on 4-wheelers and let them whip shitties in the dirt and maybe take a few jumps - that gets kind of boring. (Note: our pediatrician says that 100+ decibels of car crushing action is probably too much for a 16-month old, so I'll be taking a pass. This year, that is.) [Feb19]
• Head to the 400 Bar, where you can nod knowingly and agree that it's probably time for The Flops to play their last gig together. It'll either be the same show they've been playing for the last year or it'll really be something special. Either way, I'm all over it. And I'm praying that Dan finally decides to take the stage, too. [Feb18]
• Try and pretend you're not one of those dorks who thinks juggling is cool even though you drove all the way to St. Paul to watch a bunch of other dorks juggle at MondoFest 2005. And yes, they juggle chainsaws. Man that sounds awesome. [Feb18-20, big show on Feb19]

I finally got a new camera bag. I waited for a sale and it ended up being about $30 shipped. It took me over 2 months to pick-out and buy. Yeah, that's right: 2 months of careful deliberation before making a $30 purchase that is fully returnable in the event that I'm not completely satisfied. Why such a long process for a stupid camera bag? I have no idea, I guess that's just how I am. Stupes.

The same cycle is happening with my computer at home. I'd guess it was around last Thanksgiving that I finally gave in and started scratching my upgrade itch. I've now spent upwards of 3 months watching ads, reading websites, planning, replanning, and basically doing nothing. I've gone through the entire cost/effort analysis around building my own super tiny, super quiet, home theater PC to serve music/photos/videos and act as a fake tivo. (Conclusion: It'd be fun, but I'm too cheap.) Then I decided I'd just pick up some bottom of the curve Sempron and a bunch of RAM and just call it a day. But who can justify dropping a couple of hundred bucks for a machine that's an incremental upgrade at best? Not me. Especially when those mini macs look so damn cool and are only $500. Ha. Only.

10 million parents and 5 kids:

Yesterday morning was the big registration fair for next year's ECFE classes in Edina. I have no idea why you have to register 7 months in advance, but you do. You also have to stand in one of two enormous lines: Line One is for Edina residents and is, naturally, catered with fresh coffee and cookies; Line Two is for non-residents and, to the best of my knowledge, requires that you bring your own snacks.

I dropped Libby off around 8:30. She made it to the front of the line around 10:30, did all the enrollment stuff, worked out a ride home with some other mom, and was walking in our front door around 11. That's two and a half hours, which sounds bad, but it really isn't when you consider that people start lining up at 10pm the night before for this thing. Woo wee, that's a long time in line. I hope your 15 month old ends up on the honor roll.

10 million kids and 5 parents:

In contrast, last Saturday morning - before The Big Sick infested our house - we went down to the Zoo to sip coffee with the dolphins and mingle with the monkeys and generally not wait in any ginormous lines. We got there pretty much right when it opened and it was quiet and peaceful in the beginning, but after an hour or so a tsunami of green-vested girls washed in to celebrate Girl Scout Day at the Zoo and the whole place kinda went bananas. I'm not saying it was bad, it just changed the vibe. It was actually kind of neat.

I took some zoo pics:

Last week City Pages ran cover story - title: "What Happened?" - that speculated about the reasons why the Timberwolves aren't stomping the league into oblivion on their way to their first NBA title this year *cough* like I totally thought they would *cough*. The article was more or less a rehashing of the theories that have already been rehashed to death in the T-wolves fan community, but I still read every word of it while waiting for my large 6 over at the soup house. Both the article and the soup were pretty good.

This week the Pages' editors went out of their way to feature the obligatory:

To the cover of this week's City Pages, "What Happened?" I can only respond, "Who cares?"

I love that stuff. It's like secret wink to the readership that says "yeah, we think sports is dumb, too, but don't worry, we're getting right back to telling you about how Bush sucks and how awesome Low is."

Nostradoodle predicts that he will have difficulty getting an equally witless "Who Cares?" letter printed about a future cover story he doesn't like, but he thinks he'll try anyway.

What Happened? [cp]
Genius reply [cp]

This installment of Worst Week Ever™ brought to you by a particularly nasty viral flu. Last night I finally called the nurseline to verify that some stupid bug could actually hold me hostage on the couch for 3 1/2 days and after talking with the nice lady for a few minutes she told me that I should go to my local urgent care. I said "I don't want to, all they ever say is 'drink lots of fluids'," but of course I went because when some anonymous nurse lady tells you to go to urgent care you get in your jeep and drive to the damn clinic.

So I get there and the place is empty. Seriously, I was the only patient in the whole place. (Moral: only get sick on Ash Wednesday.) So I get hustled back to some exam room and the doctor lady comes in and listens to me whine about how crappy I've been feeling and how I get super hot and then super cold and then super barfy and then super tired and she nods appropriately and takes a few fake notes on her scratch paper. Then she looks in my ears and at my throat and then matter-of-factly says "you have the flu".

And I say, "The flu as in the flu-shot flu?" thinking about all the mileage I was going to get out of blaming Bush for my downtime.

And she says, "No, there's a nasty viral flu going around and you've got it. Drink lots of fluids."

Yeah, that's what I've heard.

Summary of the Ike Reilly Assassination show last night at First Avenue: more or less what I expected. Witness: a reasonably tight band, tons of crowd-pleasing sing-a-longs, and rowdy good times in general. What I didn’t expect: a bunch of "nobody believes we can make it" underdog talk, "look how drunk I am" stage stumbling, and a 4 song second encore. The worst was definitely the crying about how they’re not popular enough. We get it, you *really* want to get a song on the O.C., boo hoo. Now shut the hell up and play.

First Avenue remodel update: They knocked a bunch of the plexiglass down upstairs, which is kinda cool. It also looks like they cleaned all those crazy dust stalactites off the ceiling. I pity the fool who had to do that.

• Pack up the family and head for 94E. That's right, it's the magical time of year when St. Paul breaks out their chainsaws and ice blocks and contingency plans and puts on their own big ass seasonal festival. They call it "The Winter Carnival" and I call it "something I go to every year or two but I'll probably skip this year because it's been so warm that all the 'winter' has melted away and then it's just kind of sad". Plus, honestly, who knows how to park in downtown St. Paul? Nobody, that's who. [thru Feb6]
• Take your inner geek over to Bell Museum, where the University Film Society Minnesota Film Arts (huh?) is finally showing a movie about chess and computers. It's been a long time coming, but I have a feeling it's gonna be worth it. [thru Feb10]
• Show some respect for Nostradoodle's prediction of stardom by attending the Ike Reilly Assassination show at First Avenue on Friday night. They're not cool and/or whiny enough to be played on The Current, but they have some fun poprock songs and I've decided it'll be worth checking them live at least this one time. Any regrets will be posted by Monday. [Feb4]
• New Orleans: Mardi Gras. Jacksonville: Super Bowl. Edina: I think we might go down to the zoo for a couple of hours and see the fish and the monkeys.

I've got the house to myself so I'm chillin' in front of the tube and eating a handful of Hershey's miniatures. (Mostly Krackels, no Goodbars, natch.) Oddly, there are only two things on right now.

• On Channel 12, the Wolves are getting their asses kicked by playing Phoenix. As a Wolves fan, I'm not too proud to admit that Phoenix is way more fun to watch than pretty much every other team ever. Seriously, they're like the frickin' Globetrotters or something. I don't think I've ever seen a team play they way they do, what with all their passing and dunking and spinning and running. Was this what it was like back in the late-80's/early-90's - aka the Era When People Weren't Embarrassed to Say They Watched Pro Basketball? I bet it was. Attention NBA haters: watch a Phoenix game. Attention every NBA team other than Phoenix: watch a Phoenix game, too.
• On every other channel, Bush is updating us on the state of our union. I'm watching it in HDTV and the picture is mint. (The picture is so good, Bush *almost* looks like a man of the people. Ba-dump.) Unfortunately, I'm having trouble following what he's saying because I can't look away from Hastert's "1000 mile toad stare". It's awesome. It's almost like he's like half Republican / half Hut or something. Anyway, I did manage to hear and see a couple things. There was one part about "moral values" and another part where he said something and the lefties kind of quasi-booed. Classy. moveon.org-ohwaitthatwaswhenwewon.com.