doodledee

So this new Aldi store opened at like 64th and Penn a while ago. If you don't know what Aldi is, it's a basically a grocery store full of ‘house brand' products sold at freakishly low everyday prices. And by "freakishly low" I mean "way lower than you'd think they could go and still make a profit even though you know nothing about how the grocery business really works". And that's low.

In reality it's not just the prices that are freakish: the store itself has a reputation for being a little... uhh... different. To wit: they make you deposit a quarter into a cart before using it, they charge for bags, and the only acceptable forms of payment are cash or prepaid debit cards. The lighting is bad, nobody smiles, and when you check out the lady just dumps all your stuff back into your cart and you have to wheel it over to a "bagging station" to pack it up. The whole scene is about as anti-Lund's as you can get. I'm sure some people will pretend that's a great selling point, but I'm not trying to impress anybody so I'll just leave it for what it is. (Full disclosure: I like Lund's.)

I'd read about the store and seen the ads in the paper and it had long since concluded that the place was a joke. (A quarter to use a cart? For real?) But then I downed a few beers with neighbor.food.importer.exporter the other night and he told me the real deal. Turns out it's not a joke, it's just a carefully constructed and managed business model. I know, I know, big whoop, some dude is getting rich by selling canned beans for 33-cents, but stick with me. See, according to neighbory.guy, each product Aldi sells is put through a redonkulously demanding approval process to ensure it's at least as good as the national best seller. What's more, many of the products Aldi sells are actually made by the same people who make the best seller in the first place, they're just labeled with the Aldi house brand. What's more again, many of the products in Aldi's ‘Grandessa' gourmet line are as good or better than the ‘premium' brand name products sold in the non-freakish grocery stores. And get this: Aldi is owned by the same company that owns Trader Joe's, the fancy ass grocery that people literally beg to open in their hometown. Who knew?

So last weekend I drove my newly opened mind down to check it out. And lo and behold it wasn't that bad. It's a small store, and most of what they sell is canned or prepackaged stuff (which we don't really eat), but the stuff they had that we do use (frozen veggies, tomato sauce, etc) all looked great. (Note: all the produce looked awful.) And yes it was all freakishly cheap. And yes I'll be going back, but no, it's not going to be a weekly trip or anything.

I'll also point out that in addition to food, Aldi has the standard "who buys this crap?" section full of cheapo boomboxes, fake tupperware, knock-down shelving, and other miscellaneous household items. I was smirking as I walked by until I noticed they had those swimming noodle things for 99-cents. Jackpot. So now I guess I know who buys the swim noodles (me), but I still don't know who buys the rest of that junk. It's gotta be a tax dodge or something.

Aldi [aldifoods]