doodledee

This morning marked the end of daylight saving time and the return to central time OG. Some members of our house apparently didn't get the memo.

Looking to capitalize on the situation, we wondered if we were up early enough to beat the rush down at Linden Hills' favorite over-hyped breakfast spot, The Zumbro Cafe. Most Sunday mornings the Zumbro is so mobbed with people collectively struggling to convince themselves that because it's called a 'frittata' and comes with goat cheese that it's somehow 'unconventional' that it's not even worth *thinking* about going there. My theory was that on the fall-back morning the mob would stay home enjoying their extra hour of courtesy sleep, and we'd have the opportunity to slip in early and scarf down some frou-frou breakfast chow before they arrived.

So off we went.

When we walked up the sidewalk in front of the place I saw an empty table in the window and immediately did a little victory dance in my head. No wait for us! I'm the smartest man in the word! Bring on the asparagus eggs benedict! Bring on the homemade scones! And yes, you can freshen that up, hon! Mr. Genius likes his coffee hot hot HOT!

Then we opened the door and walked into some sort of bizarre-o daylight saving time twilight zone. It was only 7:45 and - wouldn't you know it - the room was already packed with other fresh faced young parents toting time-change-challenged tots of their own. We had all had the same frickin' idea! Curses. And what's that? All the highchairs are gone? That's fine, my kid can eat his $3 muffin in a booster seat, thanksalot.

Don't get me wrong, it was still a nice time. Their coffee is good and Libby offered me her extra potatoes. Carb on. And my favorite part was watching the bleary-eyed 20-something couples roll in at 9 with their New York Times and their $4 starter lattes from the Dunn Bros next door. I hate you.

But I wouldn't trade places.

Zumbro Cafe [cp]

Last night Libby and I put on our favorite thick-rimmed glasses and headed down to First Avenue to take in a little piano driven pop rock courtesy of Ben Folds. The show was the opening date for the latest leg of his ongoing US tour. He played for almost 2 hours and touched on some of his old 5-era stuff but focused mostly on his newer material, which was fine by me because his newer stuff somehow seems more appropriate now that he and his audience have kinda grown up. Pretty much all of it was great, so there's really no reason to try and enumerate the highlights. Lowlight was all the cliche guys in the audience who sang along with the quiet break-up songs in horrible off key falsettos. Thanks!

Opener was The Fray. They were the lame.

Ben Folds Official Site [benfolds]
Ben Folds on Austin City Limits [pbs] - it airs this weekend

Earlier this week City Pages kicked off a mean-spirited-yet-mildly-amusing contest to see who can best condense a Katherine Kersten column into a single 17 syllable haiku. The idea is driven in part by the redesigned Strib's new shorter 500-word limit for columnists - if the same point can be made in 500 words, why not in 3 lines of poetry? - but it's also driven by the odd fascination CP seems to have with all things Kersten. (Here's hoping that search results page doesn't commit suicide when it sees itself in the mirror, btw.) She's a bad writer, she's ugly, she's stupid, their laundry list of complains goes on and on like a rolling ruler. One would almost wonder why they pay her so much attention - why not just ignore her? I can't think of a name for that type of behavior, so I'm just going to make up a term for it right now: bitchnore.

bitchnore (bich nor)
v.

1. To bitch about something when you should really just ignore it.

Anyway, all the talk about haikus reminded me of the time I wrote a haiku for CP's restaurant critic Dara Moskowitz as part of a note I sent her looking for tips on where to eat on our NYC vacation a few years back. She thought it was so mint that she used it in her column a few weeks later. I pretty sure that makes me some sort of unofficial psuedo-indie-media haiku god, but for some reason I haven't been invited to judge the entries in the latest contest. Their loss, I guess. (PS: not interested.)

And then *that* reminded me of how I wrote to her again a month or two ago about that butcher shop piece she wrote. I had an idea for a follow-up column that she was... uhh... less than receptive to. She basically told me I was an idiot. All those years of feeling like I had this cool bond with a fake local celebrity and then she e-dumps me. On one hand I was bummed out, but on the other, hey, I got dumped by a fake celebrity, and not just anyone can say that.

I had these big intentions of writing the suggested column myself and posting it here, but then I got side tracked by work and life and it never happened. Then my i'll-show-her fire started to go out and I thought about just posting about how outraged I was about the whole thing, but not really doing anything constructive other than complaining (ahh, the internet, eases the pain). Then I decided I should probably just ignore it and move on. No bitchnoring for me, thankyouverymuch.

The Katherine Kersten haiku contest [citypages]
Katherine Kersten [strib]

Last Friday afternoon we packed up the car and headed up north to Lake Maria State Park for a little camping, a little hiking, and a little hanging out in the woods. The park is one of the last remaining original sections of the Big Woods forest that used to cover huge portions of Minnesota back in the day. There were lots of purty leaves to look at and lots of paths to walk on and we also saw some ducks. It's a nice place.

It was a fun time.

Lake Maria State Park [dnr]
History of the Land [tpt] - downer enviro-documentary that talks about the big woods

So now that the Strib's website and print edition have been relaunched in new-and-improved editions, capital-E Everyone wants to have their say. And, predictably, most of what people have to say boils down to bitching about how much they don't like it. (Nostradoodle predicted as much, though he was too lazy to document it here because sweet, succulent StribBashing is such a low hanging fruit that it's almost *too* easy to pick and he likes a challenge.) Oh and PS, the Strib's website went tits up as soon as they flipped the switch this morning, which was basically dumping gasoline on the fire. Stand back.

That's why I've decided to be the first person to take the discussion meta and complain about the people complaining about the new design. Weee! I'll kick it off with an all-caps shout-out to the haters: YOU ARE ALL SO OBVIOUS AND BORING. IT'S A NEWSPAPER AND A WEBSITE. GET OVER YOURSELVES.

Howsabout some highlights? Here's a classy post from the editor of the City Pages over on their 'blotter' blog:

At this writing, shortly before 9 a.m., the Star Tribune's redesigned website--AKA, death by a thousand focus groups--has been unreachable for the better part of the past hour. You don't suppose it caught a glimpse of itself in a mirror and committed suicide, do you?

Or it could be that the new Strib is drawing so much traffic from curiosity seekers that the server is swamped. That, um, may not be a problem going forward.

Leaving aside the fact that the City Pages website was a horrible disaster of a site for years and years, AND the fact that the current design is the same formulaic "news site" as the new Strib.com - only not as good - how predictable of a response was this from the indie media crowd? About as predictable as a soccer-mom rip in a Beth Hawkins article, that's how. (To be fair, I think those are actually mandated by the style guide, but you get my point.) The comments are just as good, so read them, too.

Want more? Read the comments in the Strib's own redesign blog. My favorite: "Hate it. The old site was so much easier to navigate." Thanks!

Even more? I spent 30 seconds scrolling through MNSpeak's Blogregator searching for "Strib" and found this ("Tough to read, tough to navigate, tough to stomach") and this ("I was a little surprised to wake up this morning and find out that I now have a subscription to Highlights Magazine") and a bunch of others that I won't bother linking to because they all say the same thing. Literally, in some cases. Lazy is my favorite flavor of predictability, by the way.

(And yes, I'm aware that some people are being reasonable but those people take away the fun I'm having being meta, so I'll ignore them.)

Ok, that's enough. Here's to hoping someone complains about me complaining about people complaining. If that isn't the internet in a nutshell, I don't know what is.

Full Disclosure: I kinda like the redesign, especially the online version. If they fix search and stop moving URLs around, it'll even be better.

Lately I've found myself sucked into the so-old-it's-new-again economic world of bartering. It started a month or two ago when I was listing some stuff on craigslist and I noticed they had a 'barter' section in their online classifieds. The ads were full of people looking for services or stuff or whatever, and in exchange they were offering their own services or stuff or whatever. A typical ad would say something like "I need someone to fix my car and if you do, I will clean your house." Ok, that's not totally accurate, in reality the ads mostly say "If you fix my car, I'll set-up a web site for you" because the only people posting ads are geeks with broken cars, but you get the idea.

Although I have no real proof, I suspect the people who have the most success are the "real" service providers. By that I mean if you're a plumber or a guy who trims trees or whatever, you're going to have a lot more luck bartering with someone because you can do stuff that individual people need done. You would think the listings would be full of ads from these service providers looking to barter with each other, and while there are a few - one of my favorites was from a dude who said he'd install granite countertops if you gave one of his workers a root canal - mostly it's just doofs looking to trade dog walking or house cleaning (ie "fake services") for something requiring more skill.

And here's the part where I confront my own brutal reality: I have no barterable skills. Sure, I'm [currently] employed, so I must be able to do *something* that someone has found value in, but I'm a little short on skills that other individuals might need done. Or maybe I have them already and I'm just too lazy to think outside the box.

My no-skillset portfolio hasn't stopped me from trying, though. I've got a long list of stuff I want to get done around the house and I've tried a couple of times to trade my fake skills (BBQ, hand made greeting cards (not by me), etc) for real skills, but so far I've come up empty. But don't think for a second that I'm giving up. Barter is back, baby, and I'm gonna be a part of it! I'm just going to have to learn a more barterable skill and/or lower my expectations and stop dreaming that I'll be able to trade a pan full of smoked pork for new kitchen cabinets. Curses.

Craigslist Classifieds - Barter [craigslist]
'This For That' lyrics [schoolhouserock]

By popular request I have created some doodle-themed merchandise over at cafepress. Go buy some and show the world how mint you are.

doodledee merchandise [cafepress]

The Minnesota Wild kick-off their first post-lockout season on Wednesday night over at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul. I didn't really pay attention to all the gory details of the final agreement between the players and the owners, but a quick check of the pre-season standings shows that Florida and Phoenix still have teams, so there's clearly plenty of work left to be done to "fix" professional hockey.

But really, who cares, because ALL THOSE FANS are coming back to downtown. And we all know what they bring with them when they come, don't we? You got it: MONEY. And with money comes taxes and with taxes comes the almighty salvation known simply as Economic Impact. And lo, a great joy swelled up from within' Tom Reid's Hockey Pub, for It was good.

MPR ran a story today hyping the impact. They started by interviewing the management of Tom Reid's and The Liffey and - surprise! - they're as excited as a dog in a fire hydrant factory that thousands of rowdy hockey fans are primed and ready to descend on their bars and fork over $6.50 for a beer. And I guess I don't blame them for feeling that way (and for talking a bunch of idiot-speak about how great the games are for the local economy). The reality is that they probably got bitchslapped pretty hard by the lockout and from their perspective the return of hockey can do nothing but help them be successful. And that's clearly good for their economy, so I say go get ‘em.

But then later in the story there's this quote from the St. Paul Chamber of Commerce.

The economic impact of the Wild cannot be overstated, according to the St. Paul Area Chamber of Commerce.

The Chamber's Ellen Watters says doing the math on Wild games means big money for St. Paul. Forty-four games, at an average of $45 per ticket. Then, add $10 for food and drinks or mementos, and that adds up to the Wild generating an estimated $3 million in state sales-tax receipts. $217,000 of that goes to the city of St. Paul.

Sweeeeeet! I love math! Especially when it shows that all those frickin' games only [directly] kick back a measly $220,000 to the city of St. Paul. Ha!

Well I can do math, too. Check it out:

• $220,000 is less than a dollar per resident. Ha again.
• Some quick googling shows that the average police officer salary in St. Paul is around $85k. Add in benefits and a police car and crap like that and, optimistically, all those Wild Bucks would only pay for 2 new cops on the streets. Does that even offset the cost of patrolling the arena on game nights?
• Some more googling reveals that they could probably get 2-3 nice new snowplows and some dudes to drive them.

But the real point here is that EVEN THE TWINS have dropped the Economic Impact argument when it comes to stadium talk, so why can't the media? Seriously, I like going to the games, they're a fun time and it's a cool atmosphere, but like many other things in big cities, the whole hockey thing is just a "luxury". And I don't mean on an individual level, I mean on a community level. (I also mean on the Club Level, which I'd be happy to join you on in your VIP suite, thanksalot.)

Hockey returns to the "State of Hockey" [mpr]
St. Paul Police Salary Info [salary]
Used Snowplows [snowplownews]
sid hartman update: doesn't read the business section [doodledee]

• Saturday morning I got up and went down to stand in line for Trey tickets. I got there an hour or so early and just sat on the floor and read the paper and talked with the other dudes in line. Approximately 2 minutes after tickets went on sale, I was back on my scooter heading home. Here are some adjectives I could use to describe the tickets I got: "front row", "center", and "yeehaw".
• Saturday evening was the Morningside 100th anniversary street party celebration down at 44th and France. The local business association sponsored a jazz band and there were cheap hot dogs and free root beer and they had balloons and hay bales to sit on and everything. There were lots of people. It was quite a scene.
• Sunday morning was the marathon. We went down to Harriet and cheered and beat on drums and shook maracas and yelled out the runners names if they had them printed on their shirts. The marathon remains one of the few things in life I refuse to get cynical about. I saw an old lady crying as she watched the people run by - no way I'm making fun of that.
• The Vikings messed themselves and ruined my afternoon. Kudos to them.

For those of you who don't know, Kansas City is famous for their BBQ. I have no idea how it all got started, but if I had to guess I'd say it has something to do with either a) all the cattle that used to come through town on cattle drives or b) all the railroads that run through the city. I base that guess on the fact that everything else in town - except maybe Sprint and Folgers - originates with cows and trains, including Hallmark greeting cards.

First the good news: to be sure, there is some mind blowing, life reaffirming, middle east peace making caliber BBQ available in KC. I'm talking about queue so tender and so smoky and so saucy that it makes you wish you were on death row just so you could order a big plate full as your last meal to make sure you went out with a smile on your face. The dream is alive and well.

Now the bad news: Kansas City also has plenty of overpriced, overhyped, under portioned, average at best BBQ. The kind of places that coast along on the city's hard earned reputation. The kind of places that make you put down your fork and say "remind me again what the big deal is?" The kind of place that has dumbed down the collective palette of the locals to the point where - I kid you not - several of them insisted that Famous Dave's is the best BBQ in town. Shudder.

On my trip to KC last week I experienced both ends of the extreme. First, the bad.

That's a plate of food at Fiorella's Jack Stack, a white tablecloth BBQ place in downtown KC. On the left is a tiny size portion of burnt ends and on the right are like 6 slices of brisket. The combo platter with two sides cost something like $16. (That's what we in the business like to call "a ripoff", especially at a BBQ place.) The meat tasted fine. Not great, but fine. It'd be the kind of food I'd expect to fine at any "good" BBQ place in any given city, and after eating there I can see why people might think Famous Dave's plays in the same league. (Full disclosure: the two little side dishes contain cheesy corn and beans were both very good. So were the 4 beers I had from the local Boulevard Brewery.)

Now the good. That's a couple of plates of food at LC's, a filthy BBQ joint in a questionable part of town. To the left is burnt ends, and to the right a combo "sandwich" of brisket and pork. (There's another plate of ribs to the left that I couldn't fit in the picture.) The whole shootin' match cost something like $22. In contrast to the linen napkin chow above, everything on the tray is the stuff that legends are made of. You get nothing like it here in Minnesota, at least not anywhere I've ever been. There are really no words to describe it. Between bites, the guy I was with pointed down at his plate and just said "superb" and that pretty much sums it up. (Bonus: he's British, so it sounds extra cool when he says it.) Look at it this way: there was a rent-a-cop security guard in the place. He had a gun, which I thought was unusual for a rent-a-cop. I'm pretty sure he was guarding the store - not just the meat - but I can't be absolutely certain.

So that's my tale of two BBQ joints in one city.

Fiorella's Jack Stack [jackstackbbq]
KC BBQ Appreciation Page [rbjb]
(LC's has no website)