doodledee

When we woke up on Saturday morning we realized there wasn't any coffee in the house. Being a great guy, I naturally volunteered to down to Dunn Bros and get some. (I'm a coffee snob, and I like their beans best, so I'm happy to fork over the big bucks to get the good stuff.) (I also like the beans over at Coffee and Tea Ltd., but they're not open at 7:15 on a Saturday morning. Sucks to be them.)

I pulled on a pair of bitch pants and put on a stocking cap and drive over there, teeth unbrushed, half awake, all the while counting the minutes until I'd be home grinding and brewing. When I walked in, I noticed that the front of place had been taken over by a medium sized group of your typical fourtysomething Linden Hills elitists. (Good thing I drove the Saab.) Knowing how stupidly slow the lines move at Dunn Bros, a burst of panic set in that the line would horrible even at this early hour. I caught a break, though, as the last couple appeared to have ordered already and there was no waiting at the register.

I put in my order and waited for the girl to bag my beans. I'm just standing there, in my own little foggy world. It's quiet, it smells nice, I'm starting to wake up, everything is going swell. I watch the dude making drinks and he finishes up the last of the ones he's making and puts it down on the counter.

"Medium latte," he says as he turns to punch something into the computer display.

Then, out of nowhere, the woman waiting for her drink explodes with a "WELL COULD I HAVE A LARGE BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I PAID FOR!"

The whole place kind of goes quiet. The coffee dude turns to look at his computer thing.

"It says medium on the screen, you only paid for a medium."

"WELL THEN YOU SCREWED UP MY ORDER, BECAUSE I ORDERED A LARGE!"

More awkward silence.

Finally the kid says, "I could make you a small to make up the difference, maybe?"

The lady repeats, "WELL I PAID FOR A LARGE".

And that's when I snapped. Now keep in mind it's like 7:15. And I haven't had coffee yet. And I don't really like people to begin with. Especially jerks.

"No no no no no no no no no", I said, though I didn't look at her, I just keep staring straight ahead. "Why do you have to be a bitch so early in the morning?"

Coffee dude looks at me. More awkward silence. Finally the bitch lady just gives up and turns to walk away, apparently now satisfied with her previously inadequate medium latte. As she did she turned to the dude she was with and stage-whispered "I PAID FOR A LARGE". And I just laughed, because she was so lame.

And then I got my beans and went home. And even though it cheapens the story, I'll admit that after I said something I kinda hoped the kid would give me a free drink or something. But he didn't. Oh well.