doodledee

The front page of last Sunday’s Strib featured an article about how much caffeine kids are drinking these days and how maybe it’s bad for them and maybe it’s not. It was all very fluffy, but whatever, it was a Sunday and I’m sure I not the only one who appreciates something a little light and breezy a Sunday morning.

In addition to the [boring] caffeine angle, the article also wove in a pseudo-scandalous substory about how today's kids are apparently getting a lot more of their fix from coffee than the kids of yesteryear did. I obviously preferred that part of the story to the murky 'side effects' discussion because it showed how effective the big coffee and beverage brands are at marketing to kids and/or how some kids are just tools who love to be marketed at.

My favorite parts of the article were the 'expose' type anecdotes about 8 year olds ordering cappuccinos and lattes. They even managed to talk with a couple of doof kids on the record about their coffee drinking habits. Here’s a sample:

On the slopes of Wild Mountain near Taylors Falls, 12-year-old [Doof McDoof] chugged a can of Red Bull Energy Drink before a long day of snowboarding. He said he has been drinking coffee since age 5 and got a cappuccino machine for Christmas.

Now let me get this straight: at age 5 – before you were even in kindergarten – you were drinking coffee. I assume you took it black, with a side of fruit roll-up and maybe some goldfish. I call BS, and I’m sure I’m not alone because that’s gotta be the easiest BS call since I told the guys at the office that I lift weights a couple of times a week. And wouldn’t it have been a way better story if the reporter followed-up with Kid McCoffee's parents? (“Why would you give a 5 year old coffee?” "Uhh, we didn't.") Or better yet, have a thermos on hand and make the kid drink a cup right there in front of you. I bet he cries.

But disbelief aside, here's more evidence of the trend from a Caribou barista:

"They want the lattes," said Caribou employee [redacted] at a Stillwater shop that packs in teens and preteens. "They want the holiday specials. They want the mochas. Coolers are big."

Translation: they sell a lot of sickeningly sweet dessert drinks and GO FIGURE the kids can't get enough of them. That leads me to ask a) does that really count as 'coffee' (I say no) and b) is that really a responsible business practice? I suppose on one hand it's really no different than DQ selling blizzards, but it still feels gross to me. Partly because your kid isn't going to go hang out and do their homework at a DQ and bring a blizzard with them to school every day. (Though admittedly that would be awesome on some levels.)

I wonder if it's driven by trying to get the parent's into the store more by offering drinks kids like or if it's driven by trying to get the kids hooked into the habit of coming down and dropping $4.50 on a medium glass of hot milk and a shot of coffee? (Jackpot!) And furthermore, where the hell are 12 year old kids getting the money to buy all these fancy drinks in the first place? Seems like a crazy thing to spend your allowance on. I know I never would have. That's good video game money you're talking about there.

The latest must-have for teens: Caffeine [strib]